Work Pressure

i'm so stressed up at work. life is not easy there. its getting so damn tough. one miserable freaking pay yet wants me to multi-task so many person's duties. yet. the sad thing is. no one appreciates my contributions at all. when they need my help. they're super nice to me. in terms of facial expression or in terms of words being used. when you need to chase them for some information / document / report. they turned mean with their choice of words and their facial expressions. haiz.

another sad thing. my boss did not confirm my probation at all. i'm supposed to be confirmed on January 07. but till to-date. she has not spoken to me at all about my confirmation. never tell me whether i'll die or whether i'll survive. or perhaps inform me when's my death date. haiz. is that the way a boss should behave? she's a nice boss. but if want to kill me also must let me know the reason and date la. like that hang me in the air. for what? it serves no purpose at all lor. it'll only kill my motivation and morale to strive better at work.

what i heard from HR. next friday we're (my 2 bosses, HR and myself) going to discuss about my work performance. then by end April 07 will be my judgement day. whether i'll make it or not will be decided by then. if i can't make it. it's either they'll serve me a month's notice or they'll get me to serve them a month's notice.

i hate this. after all the effort i've put in. this is what i get in the end. pay me peanuts yet they want a super goody good person on the job. come on lor. where to find a perfect employee? i'm sure everyone have their own flaws. no one is perfect lor. dammit. i hate myself for not being able to pull myself out from there in the past. now have to wait for judgement day. what kind of motivation they want to drive in their employee? no monetary rewards nor is there any job satisfaction at all. nothing but only judgements of their own.

how to make an employee stay in the company for long? either give them monetary rewards or most importantly. give them the job satisfaction they're looking for. give them the kind of appreciation they want in the job that monetary rewards cannot buy.

I Can't Take More Of These

why are all these things happening to me? am i supposed to die from sorrows?

my gal friend just died couple of days ago. i'm still trying to pull myself together after crying for days. yet today. a guy friend of mine can tell me if i want to see him it must be within this 3 weeks. after that. he'll be going to a far far away place and never be back. what is this? what is he trying to tell me? he won't tell me on the phone. but he sounded so indifferent from his usual style. there's no "life" in his voice. he didn't even laugh much when i cracked jokes. he sounded so moody and sad. he's with his parents now. reason being he won't have the chance in future so he's trying to spend more time with them while he still can.

oh god. please don't take all my friends away from me ok? they're all so young. too young to leave this world to another world.

oh god. what have i done wrong that you're slowly taking my friends away from me? i can't take another death please. please don't do this to me. they all have a very bright future ahead of them. please.

Why?

i don't understand at all.

why did it have to end this way? why did you have to choose this path?

you always tell me to forget all the unhappiness. you always remind me that i have so many good friends around me. you always tell me to look on the bright side and think only about the happy times that i had shared with my friends. so that this way. i'll be happier.

i don't believe you at all. because you did not practice what you preached.

you chose to give up your family and friends. and most importantly. you gave up your life.

i missed you babe. missed the caring moments that you had showered on me. missed the lovely and happy moments that we had shared.

why didn't you give me a chance to love you more? why didn't you give me a chance to show more concern to you?

why didn't you tell me you were moody that night when we were sms-ing each other? why didn't i date you out that night? if only i had dated you out that night. would it have prevented this thing from happening?

you'll always have a place in my heart. you'll always have a part in my memories.