Daily Tots

Grandma passed away on Friday (21/7) night, diagnosed as lung infection & heart failure. I was there at the hospital till 8pm. Then I went out to cool myself down as its really a torture to see her have such difficulty in breathing. Then I went back inside her ward to check on her again, left the hospital at about 815pm. When I was about to reach home at about 9plus, received a call from Edmund saying that they received a call from Ah Meng korkor that the hospital had called to say grandma had passed away at 835pm. Don't understand why I felt so sad at that point of time, I cried.

When I reached the hospital, I thought I could control my tears again. But when I saw grandma's body & legs being tied up, I broke down in tears again. It was such a heart-breaking scene. Grandma's skin color had turned into so yellowish/white, but she looked so peaceful. I think this so be a good thing also as grandma had difficulty in breathing since Thursday. On Thursday, doctor said grandma can't live pass two days and had asked us to start making preparations for the necessary. On Friday itself, grandma's heart stopped once in the wee hours and another time in the early morning.

The days at the wake passed so quickly and came the funeral day. I hid one corner & cried when the band started playing their 1st song. Don't understand why I felt so sad and my heart felt so sour at that time. When we were at Mandai crementorium's hall, I felt very very sad. Then we went to the viewing hall to see grandma's corpse being pushed to "burn". I cried during the whole process. Haiz...

Life's so short. Even if grandma had lived 81 years, but in fact how long had she seen us and spent time with her kids & relatives? Just like my family, we only meet up during festive seasons (eg. CNY) or when something like that crops up. So sad ah, but that's the truth.

Daily Tots

Am I a dog? Do I look like one? Does anyone in the office look like one

No lor. The one who keeps barking his head off at others is the actual son of a bitch!

Dammit! What right does he have to shout at others? He keeps shouting at others and everyone keeps quiet but that doesn't mean I've to keep quiet too right? Of cos I shout back when I'm not supposed to be shouted at. Don't like it right? It's your farking business that you don't like me to shout back at you! Reason very simple. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FARKING RIGHTS TO SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT! GO SHOUT AT YOUR OWN KIDS OR WHOSOEVER IS RELATED TO YOU! I'M NOT YOUR WHOSOEVER SO YOU DON'T BLADY HELL COME SHOUT AT ME YOU FARKING OLD PIECE OF SHIT!

ARGH!!! Why does he like to channel all his negative feelings at others? Can't he keep his irritating words and actions all to himself? If he gets pressured by his boss, it's understandable that he'll get fustrated. By that doesn't give him any rights to shout at us. His boss also never shouts at him. Why can't he behave like a boss and like his boss? Why does he act like an irritating asshole? He can give us pressure back but not shout at us. We're humans and we work for the company. Not his dogs who work under him. Please get the facts right you farking old piece of shit! I'm so damn pissed off with you already. No way I can stand you. I know you've tolerated me for quite sometime already. But don't you realised that we've all tolerated you for a even longer time?

Wake up your blady mind you piece of shit! Get a life and get in line you blady old bastard!

Dammit! You really spoilt other people's day. You'll get your retribution for treating other people like that. You just wait and see what will happen to you.

Daily Tots

What's wrong with me?

Life is in a mess for me. Nothing is doing right for me. What the hell is going on?

Up till this point of time now. Isn't this what I've wanted? Isn't this what I wanted it to be?

I'll try to forget you as days goes by. I'll try to do that, if only I can. I want to forget you, so that I'll feel less pain without you in my life. But my heart doesn't allow me to forget you. Every now and then, I'll think of you. Think about the things we've done together. Think about the jokes we've laughed together. Think about the good and bad times we've spent together. Think about everything we've gone through together. Think about your smile and your love towards me.

Life's not going to be easy without you. Everything has to be started all over again. Many thoughts have to be kept deep down inside my heart and never to be said again.

Sorry that I've hurt you deeply. Nothing that I say will ever erase the pain I've inflicted in you. I'm really sorry for all the pain you're feeling now. I'm paying my price now too. But no worries. I'll live through all these pain that I'm going through now. Time will erase away all the pain that we're both feeling now. We're both survivors, we'll get through it eventually.

Life still has to go on. Life will have a fresh new page in your life without me. You'll get by it too. I just hope we'll stay in contact forever. Hope we'll be able to chat as happily as we used to be in future. Wishful thinking on my part? I'll have to accept reality.

You'll always be the dearest love I've always loved. I've no regrets in knowing you. No regrets in spending my time with you. No regrets in giving out all my love to you. You are always the best.

Daily Tots

This couple of mths so many dammit changes in my life. 1st thing is the World Cup 2006 has burnt a hole in my pocket. If minus away the few matches I lost, actually i'll have won some moni instead. I lost to where lehz? Australia, England, Brazil & Germany. AHHHHH!!!! I hate Brazil. Made me lost so much. My Ronaldhino & Kaka. What were the two of you doing? Why didn't the two of you save the whole blady situation? Haiz.......

2nd thing, my job scope changed. Now I have to cover AT's (the other secretary) work bcos her last day was ytd. She was transferred or I shld say she got promoted & moved to another centre under our group of properties. Dammit!! Now I'm paid 1 salary but doing 3 person's job. I used to be paid 1 salary to do 2 person's job. Now 3! Fark it man!! Then no one bothers to give proper instructions as in where I shld be seated. At AT's place or my own place? They assume I'll do all the necessary adjustments myself. How am I to serve her boss if I'm at my own seat? Do you know how farking far my dept is away fm her rom? Althou iz in the same office, but there's a distance & pls for heaven's sake!! I've loads of files/diskettes/working equip to carry over to her room if I shld be seated there leh. Then what? Who will inform my boss that I've to be seated where and when AT's boss comes down, my priority is her boss not him. Alot of things have to be decided and proper instructions have to be given to make sure daily tasks are not affected at all. Hey come on la!! I AM NOT GOD!! Farking cbz.. I really hate my job. Hate my job to the core.

Let's see how long more I can take it before my "white envelope" appears. Don't expect me to do everything when sometimes some other work can be delegated out. For example, the daily lunchtime receptionist duties that I've to do. Can't they get their own receptionist to cover the office's receptionist work when the latter goes for her lunch? Fark it man. Everything exepects me to do it. CCB!! I hate them. Maybe HL is right. There's no friends in the office. Everyone is only your colleague.

Aiyah.. I was thinking. Maybe iz time I start investing in 4D & ToTo. Like that when I strike it rich then I can throw the "white envelope" at their face liao. HAHAHAHAHA...

But right now I can't do anything stupid. I can't leave the job cos I still need to save up for my kids future. Everything needs moni. Hmm.. Maybe they saw this thing in me so they know I sure won't call it quits. That's why they throw everything let me do cos they know I've my committments to meet and I just can't let go of this job. Fark them!!

Iz ok. I've my own back-up plans. Once I succeed in my own back-up plans. I'll ask them to go and eat their own shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Daily Tots

why do things have to turn out this way? why has a decisive man turned into a indecisive man overnight?

oh whatever man. i just want to say. whatever is your final decision, just make your stand on it will you? but if you prefer to sit down there grumble so much and yet do nothing, then there's also nothing much anyone can do to you too. it's your life. if you enjoyed wasting other people's precious time and money, then continue to live your life like that. but this will only have one such ending. it's that it'll increased the hatred and possibilities of compromising anything in future is almost zero. it can also prove that you've grown inmatured over this period of time. come on la. don't just because you've mixed around with people so much younger than your age that you've also changed into such an inmatured man. open your heart and your mind and accept the reality. don't always let your ego stand in front of your mind and heart.

whatever it is, i just want to say. your kind of stupidity actions will not cause much harm to me. i've grown stronger, much stronger than before. but i've no regrets in whatever things i've chose or done in the past, now or in the future.

you continue to live your life with whosoever and behave in your whatsoever attitude, but just stay happy because that's more important. don't put your anger or try to induce your negative feelings into others.

i love my daughters, Andrea Goh and Adrienne Goh.

Daily Tots

mon & tues @ chalet wif "it"..weds @ movies wif "it"..wooh..tis guy no nid to wrk to earn more $$ meh??tot he always tells his wife tt he cant mit nor go out durin wkdays cos he wans to brin hme more $$??f**k him..ask him go f**k spider beta..ask him to slap himself wif his own words nw..y is he always nt wrkin & stickin ard tt "it"..wtf??

wen wife was preg @ her most vunerable stage..tt "it" was alrdy actively involved wif tis guy..whether they gt f**k or nt they themselves noe..wife doesn't wan to noe..she onli noes tt tis f**kin b**ch her cbz itchy wan to find tis guy & f**k..

d wife juz wan to tell tt f**kin b**ch tis..
[it al started bcos of u..u'll get ur retributions..u broke up a famili & u'll get punished..]

i reali pity d wife..aft al tis time..tt guy til nw stil onli noe hw to blame d wife for wadever has happened..dun he feel ashamed or feel tt he's done wrong too??he kips sayin he did nt do anitink wrong..pls lor..den everythin is d wife's wrong huh??if a relationship shld breakdown..iz always 2 parties fault lor..

aiyah..blame d wife for gettin pregnant @ sucha time wen d f**kin b**ch can come in..blame d wife for doin confinement @ sucha time wen tt f**kin b**ch can cont to stick her bloody asshole to d guy..all d wife's fault meh??den d guy leh..he himself shld noe beta den let tt f**kin b**ch stick to him wen he f**kin hell jolly well noes tt d f**kin b**ch likes him..& whole thing is more funni until last nite d guy told told his wife tt he ever rejected d "it"..FYI..d wife nvr once heard fm d horse's mouth heard tt d f**kin b**ch liked d guy & confessed her luv for him..d wife was juz unhappy al along wif tt f**kin b**ch's existence..since d guy knew tt "it" liked him & he's a married man..shldn't he avoid tt f**kin b**ch??

so much tok abt tt f**kin b**ch bein his moral support nw..bullshit..she's juz playin angel wen he's dw..she's actualli gloatin in her heart finnaly she got wad she wanted..a divorce btw tis guy & his wife..u tink she's an angel??nope..she's juz a knnbccb f**kin b**ch..

i reali reali pity d wife..pity her for cryin her heart out for tis man..pity her for always popping pills in d past to try to relieve herself of all her sorrows tis man had given her..pity d wife for her believe in tis man tt he reali loved her so much so much..pity d wife for enduring so much pain durin her 2 pregnancies & d amt of pain she suffered durin her labour twice..doin so much for tis guy yet d guy til nw still blames d wife for d hurt she had given him wen she left him..u tink d wife wasn't hurt in any way??go & tink abt it..

Daily Tots

True Life Story (tell me hw u feel)

tis guy & gal were a couple for 10 over yrs..they knew each other since they were teenagers..paktor for sm yrs..got married & hab kids of their own..but den nw..they're gettin a divorce..sad story huh??

guy's version

gal left him aft so many yrs juz to seek her own freedom in life..she chooses her frenz over him..she dun lik to get tied dw & stil cant committed to parenthood..he cried so badly for her askin her to stay..aft couple of mths later..he gt over her..

gal's version

guy had a gal buddy..let's name her "it" here..they're real close frenz..

"it" was intro a nite job by guy.."it" bcame his regular passenger..they were supper buddies even aft "it" quit her job..guy always say he cant send wife hme or hab dinner wif her cos iz his "golden time"..yet he can hab occasional kopi sessions wif "it" during his "golden time"..

durin his off days or occasionally wen guy picks up his wife aft wrk.."it" always calls him or sms him..guy either picks up once in front of wife tryin to show there's nuttin between them or either dun ans her calls & says iz a male fren callin..wen guy picks up her calls or sms durin his off day..he either walks away to reply or ans "it" calls..

guy told wife he wana arrange chalet getaways wif family..nvr once succeed cos he cant take leave if nt income wil be affected..cant take off days to spend time wif wife oso cos wil affect income..cant go out on off days cos rarely hab enuff rest so usually stay at hme..nw wife is onli gone for a couple of mths..guy goes out on off days wif "it"..guy takes leave fm wrk to go chalet wif family & "it"..

Comments on the below:

wife nvr seen "it" ever since guy noe her..kopi gatherings wif "it" & frenz nvr involve wife..if wife happens to tag along.."it" nvr shows up..

wife left d hse less den 2 wks.."it" turns up at hse on pretext of givin x'mas presents to guy's kids..wad d hell is tis??

guy & wife yet separated nor divorce..wife happens to call guy wantin to tok to their kid.."it" picks up d call instead..wad d fark is tis??

guy nvr attend his wife's company functions or frenz parties cos he shy dunno them den will feel uncomfortable..wife no choice but to accept d fact..aft wife left him..he attended a x'mas party wif "it" to "it" mgr's hse..halo..guy dunno d mgr so y he go??den who is tis guy to "it" wen she attends her mgr's x'mas party..usually u'll onli bring ur immediate family to attend ur boss's parties..so wad nonsense is tis??

guy always scolds wife bitch wen she brings kids out wif male fren..den hw come he can always bring the kids out wif "it"??nw who is d bitch here??

guy nvr appears for his own famili outings..wife always goes outings wif his famili..nw wife nt ard..guy arranges famili outing & brings "it" along..who d fark is she??

guy kips sayin he luvs wife alot alot alot..den y issit he spent more time wif "it" & can actually make arrangements to take leave & spend time together wif his family wif "it"??nw does tis show he luvs d wife alot??

dun make excuses say tis "it" was there for him wen he was dw aft his wife left him..d "it" was there since d wife was pregnant..d wife hated her existence but d guy is so insensitive & cant feel wife's fustrations..

in life..esp in relationships..if it breaks dw..both parties r to b blamed..iz either lack of communication or miscommunication..

salvage ur relationship while u can..dun wait until iz over den u start blamin d other party..

guy ever says tt his heart is in terrible pain cos of his wife leaving him..he's deeply hurt by her..wife juz wana tel him..she's equally hurt nw..

Daily Tots

argh!!today EG approached me & asked me to do her a favour which is to cover recep wrk for a day..i stood there stunned for awhile whilst tryin to digest wadever she had juz said to me..den i asked her which day she nid me & for hw long i've to cover recep wrk..den she mentioned she nid me to cover d recep wrk for d whole day cos JW wil be on course..shit man..iz d "Customer Service Training" programme on 8/3 & 9/3...as i'll be gg for d same course on 9/3..den it means AT wil hab to go on d 8/3..& al tis simple meant 8/3..i'll hab to sit @ d reception for d whole day while coverin AT's duties & my own duties as wel..sittin @ d reception answerin calls d whole day & doin reception wrk..isn't it abit lik kena demoted tt kinda feelin??den sittin @ d reception means i'll be lik a handicap for a day cos tt pc dun hab excel nor words & iz nt linked to any printer..& oso iz nt lotus notes supported..den hw d hell can i check my boss/executive/AT/my email??oh shit..i'm so damn pek chek nw..wel..honestly i dun blame EG @ all cos she reali dun hab enuff gals to cover d reception wrk..i detest d dept who kept wantin us to go for d courses they had set out for d whole yr..do they tink wen they kip sendin d whole company's staff for courses it'll actually do any help??pls lor..if they're nt in d rite attitude to attend d course..u tink ppl can absorb anitink @ all??everyone had to squeeze time out to attend all tis courses but does tt improve our motivation to wrk..pls lor..it actually demoralised us cos majority of us find it a drag to attend all tis courses cos durin d course..our minds r still tinkin abt our pending wrk..den d day aft our course we all hab to slog lik donkeys cos of d unfinished wrk while attendin d course..tis is nt wrkin rite..i find it very irritatin as my time always gets interrupted by very ridiculous matters..hw can i put my priorities rite den wen i dun hab d rite resourses to wrk & insufficient time to complete??everyday i wrk O/T for d company..wad do i get??words of appreciation??nah..ppl onli tink they haben drain u enuff & u're nt wrkin enuff..they tink d company is payin u salary so they wan to make full use of u..

haiz..wad can i do??blame myself for nt studyin much in d past..haiz..nw i can onli wait til yr end den..(to be continued)

nw i've to continue to do my budget liao..dunno wad time den i can slp..nw i'm beginnin to detest wrk..if onli i hab loads of $$..

*dreaming*

Daily Tots

sat aftnoon...Jeannie called me @ abt 1pm...told me she hab tis drippin feelin...told her to monitor for another hr...if cannot must called gynea liao...abt 2pm Jeannie sms me said she had dilated 3cm...nw gg to admit herself into MAH...wooh...everyone so excited bcos its so sudden...waited for her call til abt 1130pm den James called & said Jeannie gave birth abt an hr bck...waaa..finally...we can all go to bed soundly...

today visited Jeannie @ MAH...baby Jerlene's such a sweetie...so pretty...she has gt d eyes of James & d face of Jeannie...she's reali a sweet babe...she kept yawnin wen everyone was ard her...very kaypoh dun wan to slp...hahaha...same like father so kaypoh...hahaha...

wah...baby Jerlene's ht & head circumference is 3349...many of us bought tt number & we all strike consolation prize...yeah!!!nt gg to tel ya hw much i won...but iz been such a long x since i strike lottery...baby Jerlene reali brings us luck...majority of us bought d number except James & Jeannie...hahahaha...

so tired nw...nt feelin quite ok...gotta rest nw...ciaoz!!

Daily Tots

*yawns*

shoppin should be a beri excitin & fun task..but y is mine so tedious??haiz..wen shoppin equals to wrkin..den iz no longer a excitin & fun task..iz such a mind drainin task..drains out al my energy..sucks d life outta me..

wana noe more abt wad i'm doin??details of my tedious task to be updated by end of Jan06..

life is hard..but i'll survive..cos both Andrea & Adrienne are my love/energy/strength/life motivation/purpose in life..

I Love Andrea & Adrienne With All My Life~~~~~~~

Fustration

haiz..havin probs @ wrk recently..so damn fustrated man..wads wrong wif him??he says he's had enuff of shit fm me..halo??luk who's tokin..i oso hab enuff of his shit liao lor..but 1 of my colleague told me tis..no matter wad..onli he has gt d rite to gib me shit..i cant..cos he is my ****..

life's so unfair..i always believe..dun do it onto others if u dun wan others to do it onto u..y does he hab to make ppl's life so miserable??y cant he get a life of his own??can someone be kind enuff to ask him to wake up his ******* mind??can someone be kind enuff to go & tel him tt thr is smtin in tis world called retribution..one reaps wad he sows..

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

welcome to d nasty & ugly side of d adult wrkin life!!
may d force b wif u!!

Daily Tots

tis 2 days brought Andrea to sch..oh mine..she has reali grown up liao..she plays by herself on d 1st day i brought her thr..2nd day onwards..she's runnin ard d sch..upstairs & dwstairs..runnin everywhere lukin for her frenz to play..she reali blends in fast to d new environment..just lik her mummy..a survivor out thr..& of cos..sociable character..heez..

her daddy gives her $2 everyday to bring to to sch & she can also manage to save a dollar plus into her piggy bank..heez..she noes @ d end of d mth she gets to buy smtin she likes wif d $ tt she had saved up..hope she doesn't skip her recess meals just to buy smtin @ d end of d mth..

Adrienne's learnin to tok..blah blah blah..toks & toks..dunno wad she tokin abt but she reali can brighten up ur day wif her bb tok..kekeke..

i love Andrea & Adrienne alot alot alot alot alot..nuttin can chng my luv for them..nvr..

Daily Tots

oh my goodness..its been more then a mth since i last blog ah??hmmm..times reali flies hor..

haiz..hab been reali damn bz recently..so many things hab changed in my life..i'm oso always nt feelin wel..but then again..i'm a survivor..i can make it!!

today brought Andrea & Adrienne to United Square "Toys R Rus" to buy Adrienne's 1st yr old bdae gift..saw tis walker toy & i reali liked it alot..so i intended to buy it for her bdae lor.. (pic to be uploaded if possible)

Adrienne reali put on a certain weight liao wor..carry her until my waist & arms oso abit tired..heez..

Andrea's such a darlin..so is Adrienne..i reali love both so them so much so much so much..

haiz..i reali miss the both of them every now & then..will they miss me as much as i've missed them??