Praise The Lord~

The Day I Received Lord Jesus Christ

[[17th November 2007]]

Whatever....

I know that since I've decided to let God handle my work issues, I shouldn't be thinking so much about it again. But I really wanted..... Aiyah.... Don't know what I want nor what I want to say.

Am I such a loser? I can't even decide what I want in life. Ask me what is it that I really want to do, what is that that I hope to achieve, or what is it that I wish to see myself in? I can't answer all these questions too.

Aiyah.... Just so tired of myself. So indecisive. So useless. So................

Whatever..................

Daily Thots

Went to WMC wif Jie, Andrea & Adrienne for d 11.30am service. Adrienne was a bit "noisy" & Andrea was a bit restless today. Naughty gals. But everything was still under control & we still managed to finish d service without much hiccups.

Praise The Lord~

Today Pastor Wendy Watson said something abt "When there is love, there will not be filth & stench." "You Ai Jiu Mei You Chou". A very touching story behind this phrase.

Praise The Lord~

Oh, today's worship session I also sang together. I felt good. Don't really know how to explain d feelings but I sort of felt "connected". Connected to God perhaps? Hmmm...

Went Sembawang Park with Jie, Andrea & Adrienne. The gals had a great time thr. As usual at d initial part, Adrienne refused to walk on d sand on her own (scare dirty her feet) & wana to be carried around. But after a while, managed to convinced her to play on her own. The gals had so much fun that they requested me to bring them bck thr again.

We had fun today becos Jie made d effort to bring us ard. Thank you Jie for accompanyin & fetching us ard today. We sure do really love you a lot.

Thank you Father for blessing me with 2 beautiful gals, a very loving sister & a caring bro-in-law. I know whatever happens in the future, You made it happen bcos You want me to learn something out of it. Kindly bless me with the strength to overcome all obstacles. Amen~

Comments for the Day

Dear Frenz

Kindly have the courtesy to leave down your names if you decide to leave your comments on my blog. I've no issue with anyone leaving their comments after reading my blogs but kindly have the guts to let me know who you are.

If you think that your comments are offensive, then DON'T even bother to leave your two cents worth of comments on my blog.

Everyone/Anyone who reads my blog should be mature enough to think before they pen down their comments. Since I don't criticise anyone's religion/beliefs, then DON'T criticise my religion/beliefs too.

Just to highlight, this is my blog and I'm free to write anything I like. If you don't like to read my blog, then DON'T read it. No one is forcing you to read it.

Take Care and God Bless!

Daily Thots

I had a very tough day today. 1 of my working colleague gave me a very hard time today. I felt so fustrated until I went off to d Ladies to cry. I felt better after that. I was thinking, perhaps it's because i didn't seek God's blessings today thus my day was not a smooth one. I started to think of Pastor Prince's words. To acknowledge my own feelings but do not act on them. Thus, I chose to forgive d person who irritated me.

Crying is another way of releasing my stress. No worries. I always/usually feel better after crying it out.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Kindly bless the person with more kindness towards others. Let him realise that his attitude towards others is wrong.
Kindly take away my anger and forgive him.
Amen~

Thank You Lord Jesus

Went to Jie’s house wif ZQ today to discuss abt job vacancies. Then we started to chat abt my prev blog. Then Jie suggested that we go to The Third Place today as it’ll be d last service alrdy. The Third Place is going to be relocated to another place. Wif no programs in mind today, we agreed (thou I used to find excuses to not attend services).

Before proceeding to The Third Place, we went to Leisure Park Kallang as I needed to take a look @ my job site. We passed by a store and somehow or rather, it attracted us in. We bought a “plain” jigsaw puzzle for Jean for her as a bday gift. We’re going to pen in our wishes for her on it & let her fix up d puzzle herself to see wad we had written for her. Next, we passed by a gift shop which the cross pendants attracted my interest. Jie asked me if I wanted one & I told her casually that I’ll liked to have one & also pointed out d design I wanted. Then I moved off to my store to check on my contractors leaving both of them there. When I came back to look for them, Jie had alrdy bought me d cross necklace that I wanted. I felt so happy & Jie helped me to put it on.

Guess what happened today? I received Christ Jesus together wif ZQ @ The Third Place. Pastor Alvin Chan prayed wif us, together wif Jie & Francis.

Oh, just to share. During d worshipping, there were a couple of times when I felt like my tears were filling my eyes. I had to shut my eyes tight & keep telling myself not to be a drama mama.

(^0^)

Anyway, I felt happy today. Can’t explain why also but I know God has something planned for me.

Thank you Lord Jesus for forgiving my sins & accepting me back in your arms again.
Praise the Lord! Amen~

Praise The Lord

14 Nov 07
my boss called me @ 11pm & talked on d fone till 1150pm. purpose of call was to sort of hint me wads gg to happen to me d next day. she said alot alot of things which frightened me & in d end i slept @ 3am.

15 Nov 07
was listening to mp3 on d train ride to work. was jamming my ears wif d fast pace songs to try to calm myself dw due to ytd's conversation. when it came to d Gospel song "The One Thing" i felt so calm. in d end I kept repeating d song. when it came to Potong Pasir station. suddenly i had d urge to pray. i said a prayer & i finished d prayer @ Dohby Ghuat station. reached ofc & saw my boss's boss face super duper black in colour. shit! thunderstorm expected. in d end. d day ended w/o any thunderstorm. @ abt 7pm i played my Gospel cd in d ofc. my boss asked me to lower dw d music (thou it was alrdy v soft) cos she dun wan her boss to come out & scold me (which she felt will be d case). aft she left & her boss came out of her room asking "Who is d one playing Gospel songs?" my heart was tinkin "oh shit"!. i answered her softly saying its me. she turned to me & chatted wif me for awhile & also asked me to lend her d cd as well. & b4 she left d ofc she even thanked me for sharing such nice music in d ofc. all i could reply her was "ok".

hahahahahahaha. too frightened to answer her properly. =)

finished work @ abt 10pm. had an urge to look for Jie to pray for me. an urge to accept Lord Jesus into my life. but Jie did not ans my calls. it's ok. perhaps it wasn't d rite time yet.

reached hme said a short prayer. thanked Lord Jesus for making my day a smooth one as I've talked to him in d morn. thanked Lord Jesus for answering my prayer. Amen!

Dwarf or Dove

Hey Hey Hey~

It's time to blog again. It's been quite sometime since I last blogged ah?

Today on leave as I have an appt with the skin doc (Dr. Jennifer Foo) @ Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre. Having a terrible breakout on my face, really terrible. When the doc saw me, she told me mine was severe & asked me how could i have waited so long then decided to consult a doc? Wanted to tell her why but I couldn't answer myself @ that time too. Was it because I don't have the time or I don't have the moni? Beats me too since I'm such a vain gal.

Doc's advice was to see her every week for the first month to monitor the progress of my treatment. Have t stop using my Clinique (anti-blemish) products with immediate effect. Oh gosh! I just bought the products about a month ago. To throw them away seems like a waste. Any takers out there?

Went to Alpha course @ WMC with Jie & ZQ. The dvd went retarded today. Made me lose my concentration leh. Then finished watchind the video clip at about 9pm before we were seperated into our groups again.

Jason mentioned about Jesus appearing as dove but pronounced it as dwarf. Made us laughed so loudly. Ice-breaker guy indeed.

Discussion today was about the Holy Spirit (which we missed the session last Saturday).

I asked a question but my question wasn't really being answered. What's the difference between the Holy Spirit and the Guardian Angel?

Haiz..... =(

Then the group mentioned something about being "slained". Sounds eerie to me. Don't think I want to be "slained".

Hmmm... Jason tried to get rid of a "myth" I had about the 7th month thingy.

Jason's "patent" Quote of the day:
If it's true, it's true for all.
If it's not true for all, it's not true at all.

Errr... Try harder next time.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Oh! I've something to say about tonight. The food ain't nice and there were 2 inconsiderate facilitators who were talking during the video clip. They only stopped until Jie turned over and signal them to keep quiet.

More to say about my thoughts, but I'm tired le. Will try to blog more tomorrow.

Too late to reply your sms le Jie. Good nite & sweet dreams to you. Love you always.

Sick & Tired of EVERYTHING

I'm having a terrible headache. It's a piercing pain at the top right corner of my skull. I really hate this feeling. Take panadol already still doesn't work at all.

Shit!

Must be due to the stress at work. I really hate that back-stabber. I really hate that fella who pretended to be nice to me yet at my back, during his confrontation with my boss and the HR Director, dragged me into the picture. Instead of apologising over his poor performance at work, he puts all the blame on me. Say that I'm not being able to help him at all and thus cause him to be overloaded and stressed over work.

I hate this I hate this I hate this!!!

Then here I am guessing what did I do wrong to lose a best friend's concern over me. What did I do wrong? Why did she start to turn so cold towards me?

What's wrong with my life again? Everything seems to hit me so hard.

I've been a very hardworking staff at work. I really put in my best to do everything and to ease other's burden. Yet, I get it left and right on my back.

I know I've been neglecting my friends and family. But all I wanted was to concentrate on my career first. I want to be more stable first before I..............................

For all the favourite gym time I've given up and for all the fun time I have given up to be with my friends, all because I wanted to be better in my career, seems to be a wrong choice.

Nevermind la. I'm tired. I can't get the whole world to please me neither can I pleased the whole world.

Sometimes I just wished I had died the last time I tried to die.

Really damn sick and tired of everything.

So hard to be in other people's good books.

So Tired!!!

so many things to accomplished..
so many expectations on me..
so many deadlines for me..
so many these and that..
so many people to entertain..
so many tasks to complete everyday..
so many restrictions..
so many so many so many..

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not a superwoman..
I am just a simple gal with a simple goal in life..
I just wana earn more money to provide a better life for my kids..

Haiz..

Think I so powerful meh?
Think I really so strong meh?

I am so tired so tired so tired..

HelpPPpPppPppPppPPPppPppPPppPppPpppPPPppPPPppPppPppPppPPppPPpppPp!!!!

Daily Thots

As I was re-organising my photos in my FS account, I glanced thru all the photos and suddenly realised how time has passed by me at such a quick pace.

It was Dec 05 when I left him.

Looking back at what I had gone thru and what I am going thru now, is life getting better for me?

Career wise I'm definitely getting better, and I've more time to get myself familiarised with work. Of cos, personal time with family and friends becomes lesser. Time spent with Andrea and Adrienne gets lesser, but I know we'll get to enjoy more quality time together when I'm more stable in my career.

Emotionally I'm more stable now as I've a evergreen pillar by my side always. (^o^)

I've to get stronger mentally as I always encountered alot of difficulties at my new workplace. They don't come 1 by 1. They come at a shot and I'm expected to resolve all no matter if it's new / outstanding works. It just seems like I'm the only executive in my department.

Haiz..

I always tell myself. They can stab me or bang me on the wall and make me bleed. But after that, they must call for medic to attend to my wounds and not continue to kick me out to the road and let me get rammed down by cars mah. This will only cause me to die instead of making me suffer more leh.

Er.. Chim right? Must hear and see the way I define it in person then you can understand what I'm trying to say.

hahahahahaha..

Anyway, it's ok. I'll learn it the hard way and it'll make me a better man.

Er.. Better woman I mean. =)

What Are Your Thots On "Jesus Died For You"

Yoo Hoo~

It's the time of the day again. What time is it? It's blogging time!

hahahahahahaha.. =)

Today is Thursday, which is Alpha course at Wesley Methodist Church.
Before I begin my thoughts for the night, I've to thank Francis for getting me a bible of my own.

Thank you Brother-in-law. =)

Ok. Back to my views and thoughts for tonight.

Tonight's topic for the group sharing session was:
"What are your thoughts when you hear people mentioned to you that Jesus died for you?"

As usual la, I was quiet throughout the session lor. Shy mah, but in fact, scared that they will noticed the big pimple on my left eye (just below my eyebrow). Eeks!

hahahahahahahahaha.. =P

My turn again and my answer was:
Jesus very "Wei Da" lor.

Ok. No right or wrong answer here ah.

It was said that we've to accept Jesus Christ and The Lord as our God because God sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to come and die for us to atone for our sins. Which God will die for his followers?

Hmmm.. My thoughts ah?

Err.. Jesus Christ is like Tang Sang Zhang (Tripiktra.. or something like that.. I don't know how to spell his name la). Only that Tang Sang Zhang did not die for his followers la. But he went West (on foot and at times ride his horse la) to collect all the scriptures in order to save mankind. Sure some people will ask me how true is this and will say this is only a myth or legend, right? But you people never watch drama series meh? It's always screened like that mah. If these were untrue, how come there is Sun Wukong, Zhu Ba Jie, Zhi Zhu Jing etc?

"Passion of the Christ" is based on true story as what you all will say. Then how come "Xi You Ji (Journey to the West)" cannot be based on true story leh?

Paisey ah. Just that people tend to do a lot of comparisons and have a lot of questions and arguements before they actually convert to be a Christian. I've to make sure my doubts are cleared before I make any decisions on whether to exchange my bucket of water with God and also in turn let go my existing bucket of water. I definitely won't want to follow a religion for the sake of following. I must be sure and this takes time.

Jie must be patient with me ok?

Oh, before I forget but I need to say this out or else I very "buey song". Some people are so rude, no manners. No matter how tired you are, if you attend some course at anywhere. Be it if it's at a church, a temple or even an institution, please don't sleep there ok? Cannot stand the attitude of these people. No manners I still must say again. I'm also very tired after a day at work lor. At most, I'll only keep yawning and move my body here and there at times, but I won't sleep there lor. Next time want to sleep, please go home and sleep. The church is not for you to go there and sleep. Haiz. Young people nowadays don't know what is respect.

Anyway, I've had a very tough week at work recently. Perhaps I should start praying for a better tomorrow?

Hmmm.. Wait la. Slowly la. Some things cannot be rushed.

Anyway, God Loves Us & I Love All Of You~

=)

Peace

Went to Wesley Methodist Church and attended an Alpha course with Jie & ZQ. Oh! Thank you Jie for paying the $20 for me thou that’s what is left in your wallet today. But, nevermind la. Tomorrow you still can withdraw somemore out from your bank account.

hahahahahahaha..

During the video clip I nearly fell asleep. No choice la because I really felt super tired today.

After the video clip, the people were divided into a few groups. Every group (ours is Group 4) had to do a sharing session within our own group and we had to find a partner and self-introduce ourself to him. The person who introduced me to the group was called Jason. He had no choice but to tell the group what I said to him. My purpose of going there tonight was “tag along for the sake of tag along”.

hahahahahaha…
*faint*

Then came the sharing about your understanding of “Who is Jesus” or perhaps even anything about the video clip (I start to break out in cold sweat le).

Here comes my turn. I told them I have nothing to say but they insisted I say something, or anything. So I said, “Er, the chair is very uncomfortable”.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…
*pengz*

Jie must have “flipped” after she heard my answer. I cannot help it la because I cannot form my sentences properly when there is a “formation” in the group. Just like during meetings when I had to talk. If everybody is so tense, I will also turned “gan jiong” lor. But if its those kind of meetings when the table is full of papers everywhere and everybody is sitting in a very relaxed mode, I can talk with confidence. It all comes with practice I suppose.

There was someone mentioning about people who are here to be seekers. I am not a seeker. I am just a follower. I follow my heart, I go where my heart wants me to go and do what my heart wants me to do.

I’m not out to seek to understand how Jesus Christ looks like or what he had said or done. I always believe that Jesus Christ exists. I also believe that Kwan Yin Ma, Guan Gong etc does exists as well. There are people who have seen Jesus Christ, but there are also people who had seen Kwan Yin Ma and other Gods. To me, they are like human beings with different surnames. The Chans, Tans, Tengs, Foos are all human beings. Jesus Christ, Kwan Yin Ma, Guan Gong are all God.

I won’t purposely go and seek what is the difference in Christianity or perhaps Taoism.

To me, if I’m the child of God, I don’t have to go and seek for Him. He’ll get his other children to look for me and bring me back to Him. For long before I was conceived by my parents, I was conceived in the mind of God.

Peace will bring me to the place I need to go or to the God to follow.

Frustration Day

Day 1
Verse to memorise : "Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him"

A penny for your thots?

=========================================================

Actually started the day with a very relaxed mood and told myself today's gonna be a good day.

Haiz..

Sometimes I wonder and wonder and wonder if I've made a right choice so far.

People around me in my current company:
1) Looks friendly but ain't so friendly
2) Looks harmless but full of daggers in pocket ready to stab you
3) Looks hardworking but is a "medium in the snake temple"
4) Looks cooperative but is a "Taiji master" in actual fact
5) Looks like a good coach but in fact teaches you nothing

Know what it feels like after a month in the company?
Feels like I've being kicked into the open sea but was not given any swimming float to help stay above the water nor being taught any swimming or survival skills.

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THEM!!!

There's no system of how things should be done.
There's not enough support to make the operation go on smoothly.
There're too many mouths given their 2cents worth of opinion (too many cooks spoils the soup).

HELP~

Since morning I had stomach cramps.
I've being surrounded by negative people.
My overloaded boss who grumbles and grumbles.
Can't really blame her cos she's really under alot of stress from her own boss.
She's simply overloaded with work therefore her grumbles become louder and seems to take up more time to finish her each grumble.
But gotta take my hat off her too.
Thou she grumbles alot, she still completes "some" tasks at the end of the day.
Then there is this contractor who did not get any of the 2 tenders called for recently.
He has been grumbling in my ears for days already.
When can he stop it?

Haiz..

I kena nagged and "bombed" the whole day till I became so negative now..

I REALLY FEEL LIKE CRYING OUT LOUD NOW!!!

Cannot stand it already.
Better watch my "Bleach" now.

Daily Thots

11 Aug 07
Went M'sia (Holiday Plaza) for my hair rebonding..

Watch out... Pretty gal coming... Weet!! Weet!!
12 Aug 07
Went Charis Church with ZQ, Jie & Francis for our 2nd session of the "40days Purpose Driven Life"..
As usual.. I was late again.. (hahahaha)
It was the pastor talking that morning..
Terrible me.. Kept on yawning nonstop..

*slapz*

Next stop.. Lunch at Northpoint with Jie & Francis.
Exciting part coming along..

*drums roll*
drrrrr... drrrr... drrrr.....

Jie & Francis bought me a new hp..
Nokia 6300..

Yeapie!!!!!!!!

I'm walking on sunshine..
Woo Hoo~
I'm walking on sunshine..
Woo Woo Hoo~

10 good reasons why Jie & Francis bought me a new hp:
1) My Nokia N73 after upgrading the software & chng of new sim card still fails me.. I still cant receive or send out all my smses..
2) I've insufficient moni to chng new hp..
3) I've been a very good gal..
4) God is Good..
5) God is Great..
6) Jie is Good..
7) Jie is Great..
8) Francis is Good..
9) Francis is Great..
10) Jie & Francis Loves Me..

Woo Hoo~

Jie also bought me a new facial cleanser cos I complaint of having breakouts..
Tried the cleanser le..
Not bad sial.. (Thou I dunno what brand it is)

So happy when the auntie asked if we were sisters..
She said me & Jie look quite alike..

Yeah~

So long never hear that comment le..
Heex..
I'm a gal who needs constant assurance..

13 Aug 07
In the middle of the nite had very bad blocked runny nose..
One-third of my dustbin was filled with my mucus-filled tissues..

Went to see the doc in the late morning..
Doctor said I've nose allergy..
I've to be on nasal spray & medication for at least 3mths..

haiz..

Took a nap in the afternoon..
Woke up with a terrible thumping headache..
What's wrong man..

Tmr's going to be a tough day..
CEO reached SG fm HKG..
Note sent to all via email/sms/phone call (formal office attire)..

haiz...
I'm a informal gal by default..

Daily Thots

Tired.. Shag.. Sleepy.. Headache.. Gastric Pain.. Nausea..

Spent almost the whole day at Parkway Parade store..
Thou went to Bugis for a meeting with the landlord..
But after the meeting finished had to return to Parkway Parade store again..
So many outstanding issues there..
All because majority were last minute requests..

Haizz..

Can you people just make up your mind on what you want and what you need??

Shitz man..

After work went for Pilates class @ Amore (Kovan)..
Majority of the time I was laughing away cos I couldn't bend nor stretch like the rest of the gals in the class..
But not that I didn't want to try out the stretches wor..
Its because my hip bone hurts when I did the "ultimate" stretches..
Then halfway thru the class my face felt "hot", my head started to feel heavy and my breathing became heavier..

Haiz..

Guess I'm more of a CardioBlitz gal then a Pilates gal..
But nevertheless..
I've booked for Pilates class next Mon again..
Must try out again and see how..
Cannot lose out to the Aunties..
Grrr....

kekekeke... =P

Aiyoyo.. So late le ah??

Dun care..
At least must watch a few episodes of "Bleach"..

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

Wow.. Subject title v chim rite??

Nvr heared abt this book b4??
Hey u~ Sua Ku Ah??

hahahaha.. oopss.. =P

Years ago, I used to hab a small booklet on this topic..
Given to me by my sister, which is of cos, Joyce.
But its being left at my prev hse..

Being invited to join Jean at Charis Methodist Church for 40 Days of Purpose..
Went with Jie, Francis & ZQ..
Attended the 1st session this morn @ 11plus..
Was v tired & a little bit late for the session..
But I didn't doze off ok??

(not that i wanted to be late wor.. but i worked until past 12am the nite b4.. so i was really v tired ok.. heex.. nuttin but excuses.. but its the truth lor.. hahahaha..)

Don't ask me what I've learnt from the session today..
Sshhh..
Its my secret..
Don't tell you..
Want to know more abt it??
Go attend the session yourself to find out lor..

Its up to me to know..
For you to find out..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. =P

Jie gave me a "The Faith-Sharing New Testament With The Psalms"..
ZQ says the bible is better than my "Harry Potter" series..
But how to compare leh when ZQ nvr read a single book on "Harry Potter"..

Nonsense him.. hahahaha.. =P

But now I'm stuck in between..
Dunno which one to choose..
I've so many comics waiting to be read..
Lots of new storybooks waiting to be read..
"The Faith-Sharing New Testament With The Psalms" waiting to be read..
"The Purpose Driven Life" waiting to be read..

Oh No~

Which one should i choose 1st leh??
Think I beta continue watching my animation "Bleach"..

Its a v enjoyable animation..
Thumbs up!!

I CAN DO IT!! JUST WAIT & SEE!!

My boss = negative, grouchy
Me = interest level high, morale level low

Haiz..

My "buddy" is going on “sudden aka last minute” marriage leave next week..
We’ve got a couple of projects calling for tender next week..
All he has left for me is loads of unfinished work to clear next week..
Yet he has not given me any form of guidance to let me live thru next week..

Next week..
Survivor series..
Stay tuned to Channel “G”..

“G” for Gracie..

My boss is getting more & more grouchy..
My boss is getting more & more negative..

How I fear she’ll give up & just tender her resignation..
I’m already trying very hard to learn everything the hard way..
I’m learning the ropes by getting “arrowed” by countless mgrs..
“Lost of blood due to multiple wounds” left me so weak in the body & mind..

I don’t care how you people see me..
I’ll prove to all of you that this job is not only meant for a guy..
This is now MY JOB & I CAN DO IT BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!!

So much for shouting out loud my grievances..
So tiring..
Farting also won’t make me so tired..
Might as well give a good & loud fart now..

PROOT!!! PROOT!!! PROOT!!!

Oh no..
Something seems to have leaked out from my asshole..
Hmmm..

(^_^) *blush*

Daily Thots

wrkin life has been very very stressful for me..
alot of problems have arisen recently..
i really start to query myself abt my capabilities..
is it me or is it the ppl involved in the project that causes the problems??

haiz..

sometimes i just wished i am as capable as my sister..
she's so capable and has such a good career..
its all because she had studied hard when she was young..

but there's nuttin i can do or chng abt my past..
all i can do is make the best out of everything i have now..

haiz..

so much easier said than done..
just like farting..

Msg In A Pic

after a tiring day at work..
decided to check out my Friendster late at nite..

had a new message..
being invited to view someone's pics..

a family photo without my kids..
wonder when was it taken..

noticed a photo that caught my eye..
someone that looks like "her" hugging him in the pic..

any meaning in it??
any message trying to be conveyed here??

*lost for words*

~SmiLes~

My Comfort Zone

Mizuno Run [22.07.07]

I loved this picture alot...

Me & My Lovely Sister, Joyce.

Thots Of The Day

Stress level has risen a lot in this new job. Everything is so brand new to me. Contractors, colleagues, job scope, etc. A lot of things were not properly done up in the past. Now, I’ve to “scoop the shit”.

Pathetic~

Is this what I wanted? I can’t possible turn back now, can I?

After a site meeting at Compass Point today, I took a cab from there to Parkway Parade. The taxi uncle drove a much longer route. I sensed the difference as the route was so much different from last night when I took a cab from home to Parkway Parade. I called and told Roy about it and he helped me lodge a complaint to the call centre. Then he asked me to return call to Winnie and let her know more details. I called and when I spoke to Winnie, she asked “You are Grace, Roy’s wife?” Without much hesitation, I replied “Yes.”

Oh no! What did I do? Why do I still admit to others that I am his wife? And why did he still acknowledge me as his wife?

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel angry. What kind of feelings I had at that time? It’s still a question mark as I can’t recall it now.

I had quite a long chat with Roy today. He made me laughed my blues away for the moment.

Haiz…

Why am I still so attached to him? Why do I feel a sense of comfort after talking to him?

I doubt it is the love I still have for him that makes me feel happy talking to him. It’s the comfort he brings to me as a friend. As a friend, he does know how to cheer me up even though he is also feeling tired after driving for so many hours on the road today.

Perhaps he is also the reason why I can’t really commit into another relationship (because I fear failure).

Ok! What’s over is over, no point bringing up the past again. But I’ll very much want to keep him in my life forever, as a very close friend of mine.

Outing [15 Jul 07]

Movie Plot
As his fifth year at Hogwarts approaches, 15-year-old Harry Potter is in full-blown adolescence, complete with regular outbursts of rage, a nearly debilitating crush, and the blooming of a powerful sense of rebellion. It's been yet another infuriating and boring summer with the despicable Dursleys, this time with minimal contact from our hero's non-Muggle friends from school.

Watched the movies with ZQ, Sean, Rina, Dean, Catherine, Ah Teck, Xiao Ping and Xing Xing at Lido.

They were a bit disappointed with the movies as they expected more ‘fighting’ scenes. I didn’t expect much from this movie as I thought it’ll most probably be like the book, very ‘lengthy’.

Overall, not a bad show. Quite hilarious at times. But 2 hours plus show, my back hurts man.

Went to Sake Sushi for dinner. We ate like some ‘hungry cannibals’. (hahahaha)



Only took 50% of the food (the plates) that we ate. The remaining 50% on the table, remains unseen. (heex)

Went to Dembsy Road for some drinks with ZQ, Sean, Rina, Dean, Ziao Ping and Xing Xing. We ordered carrot cake and berry cheese cake. Yummy! I liked the berry cheese cake a lot. The cheese melts in your mouth. Wooh~

Stress?

I’ve been really tied up at work. The pace at my new working place is so much more faster than the pace in my previous company. In the past, I’m always rushing reports. Now, I’m always somewhere out there doing coordination work. Then when it comes to doing my paperwork in the office, the day is almost gone. Time is never enough for me now, as I’m still new to the environment and the job scope. I must buck up and learn the ropes faster, Jiayou!!!

Can I make it? I’ve been asking myself this question for the past week. Believe in what I can do and I can do it. It that the correct spirit?

One thing good is I still enjoys my work, hope to keep the momentum there for long.

Next Tuesday is the company’s D&D. Everyone in the office have been talking about it since Day 1 when I joined. They’re all very spontaneous about this annual event, unlike my previous company. I think till today, I’m the only one who hasn’t gone for costume renting. Some of them even went to buy clothes and shoes for this event. I’m been reminded every single day to go and either rent costumes or perhaps buy something simple for the event. But I’m warned not to go without even dressing up or else the GM will “mark” me for the entire year.

Stressed AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

My sim card is corrupted. Hasn’t been able to receive all the sms for the whole week thou I can still send sms, call and receive calls. Got to go and have my sim card replaced later.

Troublesome man…

Tomorrow night suppose to go to PWP outet to supervise the work. But due to some submission problems, the landlord won’t let us have the permit to start work on Sunday night. Haiz. All work has to be stopped. Monday 9am will be having a meeting with the landlord to resolve this issue. Hope they can grant us the permit to start work, if not the whole operations will be greatly affected.

Tsk Tsk Tsk… Stressed Out~

Tired of Explaining

Suddenly I’ve a comment for my post
It all feels so unusual

Not that I want to fight back here
Just that I want to make things simpler

Whichever or whatever way you want to think or feel
I can’t stop your thoughts from running wild

Sad to say
It’s the truth

Without Kailin's existence around Roy
Cedric might never have appeared in my life

Simple as abc

20/06/07 @ 630pm

Today is the most unhappiest day that I’ve gone through this week.

Incident 1
10am went Mango sale with Edna & Peiling. I chose about 8pcs to try-on but one of the malay staff said I can only try-out maximum 5pcs. Therefore, the remaining 3pcs she’ll put on reserved for me. When I came out from the fitting room with the 4pcs that I didn’t want, and wanted to try-out the 3pcs that I had reserved, another staff (Filipino) told me that I have to re-queue. I was a bit “shocked” when I was asked to re-queue as there wasn’t anyone in the queue at all. I asked the staff (Filipino), “Are you sure you want me to re-queue when there’s no one in the queue?” She said yes. Ok! Fine! I walked in to the fitting room, collected my stuff and pass the piece that I wanted to one of the staff (malay) and told her to help me reserve that piece as I want to try-on more pieces. So I went to re-queue and said “Ok. Now I’m in the queue again, can I have the reserved pieces?” Here comes another interesting part. They couldn’t find the pieces that I had reserved. Then they started “taiji” saying who put what back or who didn’t mention the clothes left on the table are reserved pieces. The one who actually took my reserved pieces just stood there and kept quiet with her head down. I was so damn pissed off with them and I just told them I don’t even want the piece I had tried and stormed off.

Incident 2
I was doing some filing work when I knocked my head against the sharp corner of a table. Ouch! So damn painful.

Incident 3
Yesterday rushed out more than 160 over circular letters to our tenants. Some were sent to their outlet here while 100 over were sent out by normal mail this morning.

Today 5plus when I was running through my emails while my bosses were not in the office, noticed there was a revised copy of the circular and I was supposed to use the later one. Shit! I informed my boss and she said to retract the letters. But how to? So I called our in-house despatch and they said they already sent out the letters to the post office today at 3pm. Oh no! suddenly today they were so efficient.

Haiz..

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?

I am not slacking on my work, but how could I have made such a blunder? How could I have missed out that email sent to me by my boss?

This reflects so badly on me as it such thing had never happened to me before. Now that it has happened after I tendered my resignation and while I am serving my 1-month notice to the company. Oh shit! This is bad. I feel very bad and lost.

Anymore worst thing coming along?

What's Wrong?

What is wrong with me? Have I not got over him or have I not got over my past with him?

Wendy, Roy’s sister, is getting married in Jan ’08, and I’m being invited. The thing is, I don’t know if I should go or not.

2 weeks ago I got to know it from Roy’s mum that Wendy will be getting married in Jan ’08. She asked if I know about it and I told her I didn’t know about it. She said perhaps Wendy’s too busy and haven’t started informing anybody yet. I don’t know we came to which part when we were talking about where I’ll be seated then his mum said, “You’re no longer our family so you definitely can’t sit on our table.” Ok! Great! What a way to put it out to me. Those words really pierced through my heart and hurt me. Then when I asked if “it” (that piece of shit who has been clinging onto Roy even though I was still married to Roy at that time) is going, she said most probably. Then when I asked where is “it” going to be seated, she kept quiet. Ok! I know the answer already.

Last week, Wendy called me to inform me about her wedding. According to Wendy, her mum says in order to avoid clashing or something like that, to put me at a table behind the pillar. Wendy told her that there’s no pillar in the restaurant that she chose. Shit lor! You might as well don’t invite me, right? Want to invite me yet want to hide me behind the pillar?

Main reason is because “it” is going and they’re worried that me and “it” might clash heads-on. Come on lor, then hide her behind the pillar so that I cannot see her. Why hide me? Ridiculous!

Interesting part, Wendy’s mum did tell me cos now I am not part of their family so therefore they cannot place me on the VIP table with them. Then can someone please tell me who the hell that “it” is to sit on the VIP table? Soon-to-be wife of Roy’s?

I asked Wendy if “it” is only a friend to Roy, then why should she be seated at the VIP table? Unless she is someone to Roy, then of course can put her at that table, right? No words were said to explain the relationship between Roy and “it”. Wendy told me she don’t know what’s the relationship between the “it” and Roy as till today Roy haven’t tell them anything.

I know if its another woman who appears beside Roy, I’ll be able to take it. But if it’s that “it”, I doubt I can. I thought I’ve already got over her existence, but I don’t think so. I hate her to the core.

Haiz…

What’s the conclusion? To go or not to go?

Think my conclusion is, kill that bitch before the wedding dinner!

Sad

I hate the feeling of people having false assumptions on me. They assume this, they assume that. They only look on the surface of things when they never even bother to look deeper into the matter and ponder over it why certain things happen this way.

I felt very sad and hurt when I got to know that even the girlfriend I trusted so much, also misunderstood me.

I couldn’t control my tears last night when I thought about my life again. Thou I’m not the most pathetic person in the world, but neither am I the most luckiest person in the world.

I begin to think about my life. Since young, I’ve never felt loved by my parents. It was always my neighbour cum grandma who looked after me and loved me. It was my sister who gave me the love I wanted from my family. Till the very day I found the man in my life, he took over the role of providing the love I needed. Yet, happy times never last. Eventually, things started to change. Thou many chances were given in between, there came a time when I decided to let go of all.

Now I thought I felt happier with friends around me, but that becomes a question mark again. People whom I trusted, starts to have false assumptions on me. I hated it.

Being happy or being sad is just another form of decision-making.

What’s my decision? I chose to be sad.

Tired

Why ask me to give assurances when I can’t even give myself any form of assurances?

To me, I’ve always wanted a very dear friend to be with me. There’s nothing much I want to see in my own future. I’m happy with my current life now. I don’t want to fall into another failed relationship anymore. It’s just too hard too difficult to pick myself back again.

Last night I came to a realisation that what I thought I’ve already let go may not be what it seems to be. I’ve been talking so much about him recently. Last night when I saw Celeste wore the wedding gown, tears were about to fill up in my eyes. I suddenly remembered that I was once been promised that he’ll let me wear the gown and that he’ll let me wear it before I turn 30. But now all that was said has become memories. I’ll never get to wear the gown with him. The person who’ll be wearing with him will not be me, it’ll be another “her”. Everything has turned into history and a pack of lies.

Too many things have been happening to me recently till I suddenly just felt like giving it all up. Stress level from work/friends/family/financial.

I can’t fall asleep thou I’m feeling very tired. I feel sick and tired.

Oh please. I need a break. Can someone just take me away from this place?

Thots For The Day

10.40am
I did not slack on my work at all. I put in 100% in my job. But why is it that my work never fails to pile up like a mountain? Why is it that it always becomes worst when I come back from my leave? I’m having a very bad tummy ache now. It’s all due to stress. I need to distress myself.

11.55pm
Friends come and go in your life. No one actually stays long enough to walk with you throughout the journey.

I am happy with the friends I have now in my life. I don’t ask for too much. I just want to fully enjoy their company when we’re still close now. No one can predict what will happen in the future. All we can do now is to cherish what we have now. Things that are supposed to happen in the future, wait for the day to come then decide.

I’m very tired of making decisions. Really hope I can find someone to make all the decisions in my life.

What is a relationship? It involves a lot of commitments and a lot of seriousness. If you can’t commit nor be serious about it, then you better don’t waste the other party’s time. Let them have a chance to find some other better partner out there.

Being single? It’s all about handling loneliness in an effective way so that you won’t just settle for anyone out there so easily. Do not fear to be lonely. There’re many things out there waiting for you to do.

Time is never enough. Sleep is never enough. Money is never enough. Then where got enough time to think about being lonely?

I’m tired, so tired of everything.

200 Pounds Beauty

Hanna is a lip sync vocalist for Ammy, the famous Korean pop singer. Even though Hanna is always ignored due to her appearance, she has always been a bright and happy girl until Ammy humiliated her in front of Sang-jun, the one she secretly admired.

Finally, she made a life-changing decision: to have a major cosmetic surgery… Will this move, will her unrequited love get any return?

I loved this movie, it made me cried at certain scenes. Loved Hanna's strong and bubbly character. Loved Hanna's determination to do the best for the person she loved but yet not forgetting her principles in life.

Can I be as determined as Hanna in life? Can I have her kind of brightness even thou sadness may be around me always?

I need a life-changing decision too. What can it be then?

Disappointment

People-to-people relationships are so scary. Nowadays, people around you tend to take things for granted. They’re just so insincere to you. Why are people acting like that?

To me, the basic of being friends is all about sincerity. If there are things you do not wish others to know, its either you don’t talk about it or you tell the other party directly/indirectly not to ask about it. I feel that it’s unnecessary to tell a lie. Sometimes to you, it may feel like its just a small joke. But to others, it’s the basic requirement of a friendship and yet such things could have just reflected how insincere you are in this relationship.

Haiz~

Of course I don’t expect others to think the way I think. But at least, isn’t that a basic necessity in a friendship?

I’m disappointed, that’s all I can say.

Please

You can never stop all those troubles from coming to you.

Life is predestined. But life is never a piece of cake which is so sweet and delicious.

But can I just hope that all these come slowly at a time? Let me have a little breathing space, please? Please don’t let me handle everything at a shot, I can’t and I cannot promise I’ll be able to live it through strongly.

I apologise if I’ve caused any hurt to anyone around me. I don’t dare to seek any forgiveness here, but I just wished everyone around me can live happily.

Thots for the Day

Oh yeah~

After 4 days of fever and 2 days of diarrhoea, I finally recovered already. Yesterday had diarrhoea for 4 times throughout the day. So pathetic man.

Oh yes~

Tomorrow night start my new part-time job le. Yes! Yes! Yes!

It’ll be very tiring for me but at least, I don’t have to worry so much about no money to ………….

Haiz~

There’re just too many things on my mind already. I really want to settle everything fast and leave this place. Leave this place as in leave Singapore once and for all. Actually, I hate this place. I don’t understand why love can’t make me stay here. There isn’t the right kind of love waiting for me here.

What is it I want? I can’t make it out myself too.

Thots Of The Day

I hated myself. I hated myself for not being able to treasure a lot of things in my life. Taking things for granted was not what I always wanted, but I think I’ve done it. Now losing it is a regret to me but there isn’t any choice left as I wasn’t given any chance to explain further.

Apologies to anyone who thinks I’ve taken them for a ride or taken them for granted. Very much I don’t wish that to happen but it may have actually happened. I can’t explain myself anymore further as I think at this point of time, nothing else matters even how hard I try to explain myself. You’ve chosen to close your heart on me, then here I shall take my leave away from you although very much I can’t bear to do so.

Friends are very important to me at any point of time in my life. I really appreciate all the care and concern all my friends have showered on me throughout all these years in my life. Really appreciate it sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

Life ain’t getting any easier, but I believe that the strong will survive.

Am I Sick

Oh no! My fever is back again, so are my body aches. What the hell is happening to me? Can someone please enlighten me? I’ve already seen 2 different doctors and yet did not seem to recover nor become better. I feel so terrible now. At times I really wished I’ll be better off dead. So damn suffering now. I’ve never been so sick before, and what’s more such a lengthy one.

Am I stressing myself too much? I don’t even know the answer.

Friends have been asking me to share my thoughts with them. It’s not that I don’t want to share with them, or perhaps I really don’t want to share my negativity around, it’s just sometimes I don’t even know what is running through my mind. Is it my work that is too stressful for me? Is it the spending of quality family time stressing me so much? Or perhaps am I being stressed out financially?

Sometimes I wonder if I should go and consult some expertise advice. Perhaps I am not in the right state of mind. But it also can’t be. Because I can still perform my daily tasks perfectly, be it at work or at home.

Then what? Am I crazy or what you referred as mentally unsound?

Oh no! This is getting bad. Physically and mentally sick. Will I end up in IMH one of these days? Oh shit!

I think everything is not going on very smoothly for me. Perhaps its time I go away alone for sometime. If not, I really don’t know when I’ll eventually breakdown.

Sometimes I’m so scared of myself. I felt like I’m the worst mother in the entire universe. There are times when I’m so stressed up, I even thought of giving up the kids. How could I, right? I carried them in my stomach for 9 months, went through the excruciating labour pains, and went through the sickening confinement period, and this is what I want? Oh no! I can’t help thinking that I’m the worst mother because such little stress I’m going through now, I can’t face it and yet I want to choose to escape from it.

What the hell am I thinking about? Oh no! I really hate myself. I’m such a weakling. I cannot be such a weakling. I used to be a very decisive girl and I will always be. I used to be the girl who faces challenges right in the face and not choose to escape and I will always want to stay that way. I used to be the most cheerful gal and I will always want to be. I used to be the happy-go-lucky type and I will always want to be.

But reality hurts. When you’re an adult, you won’t have the best slice of the cake. Somehow or rather, either corner of the cake would have been mashed up by your knife when you did the slicing of the cake.

Oh no! What am I talking about now? Spouting nonsense? See see see. I told you I’m crazy.

I feel very sick again. Physically and mentally. Can someone please save me from the mess I’ve made with my life.

Fustrations

*yawn* \(^0^)/

These few days I’ve been taking too much medicine already until I couldn’t take my afternoon nap today. Instead of falling asleep, I felt as if I was floating in the sky. Jialat man. Very fast I’ll become a drug addict. (hahaha)

Early this morning at about 6plus went to a 24hr clinic at Hougang. I couldn’t wait for the other clinics to open at 9am because the whole of last night my bones were in great pain. So pain so pain that I even wanted to go to the hospital.

Reached the clinic and the doctor took some time before wanting to see me. Throughout the whole consultation, he was like trying to open his eyes. He kept touching his face, touching his neck and rolling his eyeballs. These are the actions you’ll either do when you’re about to go bed or when you’ve just woke up trying to concentrate on doing something. Idiot! I paid $80 just to see his sleepy face? Then he suggested that I take a blood test to check if I’ve got dengue fever or malaria. Ok. Although I’m very scared of needles, but the pain from the syringe didn’t hurt as bad as my bones. Then he just prescribed me some painkillers and that’s all. Hello? If I only want his painkillers, then I would have waited till 9am to see other doctors already ok you stupid fool. Then I requested for some sleeping pills because the pain I’m having now disturbs my sleep. Know what? He said the paracetamol he prescribed to me will make me sleep as it is also a muscle relaxant. Come on la. You think I’m a 3-year old girl? Paracetamol can only relieve the pain and not make you drowsy and thus enable you to fall asleep. Stupid doctor. Think I first time come across painkillers? Pay so much to see his face and he just want to brush me off like that? Think I am stupid or what? Really hate all this practitioner doctors. Inexperienced and irresponsible.

About 4pm, the nurse called and said my blood test result is out. Normal. See? I already said I don’t have dengue fever nor what he said as malaria. Whatever! And what is the cause of my 3 days fever? No reason given. Unknown medical case.

Should have taken down his name. But anyway, the 24hr clinic at Blk 681, Hougang Ave.8 must be BANNED!!!

I am feeling so drowsy now. Do whatever things also cannot concentrate. Hope by tomorrow I can go back to work, because I REALLY CANNOT STAND ALL YOUR (COLLEAGUES) SMS ALREADY!!! STOP SENDING SMS TO ME!!! I NEED MY REST!!!

I Need A Break

This morning fever came back again and my cough as mentioned by the doctor yesterday, became worst.

Hmm.. If I coughed like that on my trip to work, I’ll sure get a lot of glares from the other travelling passengers.

I woke up at 7plus to have a piece of bread and a cup of milo, in order for me to take my medicine. Then I went back to sleep at about 8am. And guess what? My mobile phone started flooding with sms from my colleagues from 8plus to 10plus. Oh gosh! What is this? Come on. I need a break and some good rest. Can someone or everyone please work on your own?

My boss wanted me back today. Yesterday, I told her I’ll try to make it today if I could. But this morning my fever came back and my whole body ached like mad, how to go back? Ok. I did said I’ll try to go back in the afternoon. But with all the stupid sms coming in and not getting enough rest, how to make it back?

My head hurts a lot. My cough is bad. My body is weak. I feel giddy.

Please everyone, let me have my rest will you? The company can still survive and work can still go on without me ok? I hated this you know. When I am physically in the office, you people treat me as if my contributions there are nothing and that my work is of no importance. But whenever I’m not around, everyone searches high and low for me for every single little information.

Why is it always this scenario in work? Why can’t all of you appreciate my contributions when I’m around and not find me of some importance when I’m not around? Why is it that people will only cherish those after they’re gone and not treasure them when they’re around?

Haiz..

Is work tough or is life tough?

Outing on 06.05.07 (Sunday)

Movie Plot
Peter Parker has finally managed to strike a balance between his devotion to Mary Jane and his duties as a superhero. However, a storm is brewing on the horizon. When his suit turns jet-black and enhances his powers, it transforms Peter as well, bringing out the dark, vengeful side of his personality. Under the influence of the suit, Peter becomes overconfident and starts to neglect the people who care for him most. Forced to choose between the seductive 'darker side' and the compassionate hero he used to be, he must overcome his personal demons somehow and face two of the most-feared villains, Sandman and Venom.

Watched ‘Spiderman 3’ with ZQ, Dean, Rina, Xing Xing, Xiao Ping, Ah Teck and Catherine. I enjoyed the movie, but choice of theatre was a wrong one. Wrong Wrong Wrong! We went to the theatre at Bugis. Throughout the entire movie, I kept shifting my sitting posture. Same goes for Dean. Because of the stupid seat, it made my backside stiff and my backbone ached like mad. The seat they have at Bugis is those kind of very straight seats. If you want to bring kids along to the movies there, you’ll have to use the booster seats as provided for the kids.

After the movies, we went to have steamboat buffet at “Happy Steamboat”, just opposite the DHL air-balloon. (I want to take the air-balloon!!!) Ate so much golden shitake mushrooms and green vegetables until my stomach so bloated. (hahaha)

After dinner we went to Mount Faber (The Altivo) to meet up Sean and his “girlfriend” for some drinks. Hmmm.. Wonder when Sean will officially announce to us that the girl is his new girlfriend? (hahaha) Then we had cheesecakes again. Yummy Yummy! I love cheesecakes.

Haiz.. Dean and gang gave me a new nickname again. Now I’m called “Bottomless Pit”. (hahaha)

What Is This Nonsense?

My mobile phone keep ringing today, its either the messages or the incoming calls. I can’t stand it anymore. Can’t I have a moment of peace when I’m sick? Hey! I’m no big shot in the company ok? Don’t come to me for every single thing ok?

My boss keeps sending me sms asking me for this and that, and she complains that the stand-in gal did nothing except sit at my place. What can I do? That gal had already tendered her resignation and is now serving her notice. How can you expect an irresponsible young gal who has already tendered to do anything more for you?

My boss says that there are people who always last minute want to ask for this and that so it’s a bad timing for me to go on mc. Huh? I beg your pardon? I didn’t want to be down with high fever you know? Do you know how terrible it felts to be down with high fever and there’s no one to take care of you except your mobile phone keeps ringing from people who needs your help in work? How can I rest myself well? The doctor gave me 2 days mc but I also didn’t want it also.

This is bad. This is really bad. I want a break off everything. I’m going to collapse sooner or later. Nobody is indispensable in a company. The company won’t collapse because of 1 employee.

But I really think that the youngsters nowadays are getting pretty bad. They’re so pampered in life that they’re so damn calculative at work. In every company, you’re supposed to multi-task. But to them is that they’re only paid to do this little bit and other things that you ask them to do, they felt like you’re bullying them. And when you point out their mistakes at work, they don’t accept it with an open heart. They even give you their ‘black face’. I thought in a company only the ‘old birds’ show attitude to the newbies? No lor, I’m always bullied by the ‘old birds’ and newbies.

Oh no! This is getting bad. I can’t stop whining again. STOP!

So Sick Today

I’m quite ok with having flu, cough or headaches. But having fever, it’s a “babyish” thing for me. It makes me cry a lot because of the body pain, the headaches, the cough, gastric pain etc. Everything comes at a go.

Had body aches since yesterday, but had fever this morning. I wanted to wait till I really sweat it all out before I go and see a doctor because I presume every time I sweat it out, I’ll be much more better. Today is bad, didn’t really sweat only kept having the on-off chills and sweats. So went to see a doctor at 1plus, the trip to the doctor downstairs was painful and the clinic suddenly felt so far away. Throughout my walk to the clinic, my bones everywhere was in pain. My soles, my toes, my hip bone, my back bone, my fingers, and my head felt so heavy today. My fever was 37.8oC and the doctor gave me 2days mc to rest at home. Oh no! My boss will be outstation on Wednesday and she’ll be gone for 2 weeks. Then here I am on 2 days mc, what would she think about me?

Haiz~

Suddenly I felt so alone in this world. No one to care for me when I’m sick. No one to take me to the doctor nor anyone here to feed me with my medicine. I hated being so sick.

Daily Thots

People-to-people relationship is so tough and so difficult to understand at times Some people will take you for granted while some will hold you close to their hearts as if you’re a piece of precious gemstone to them.

Working life is so tiring. How I wished I was a child again. Back to those days when I don’t give a damn to anything that’s happening around me. Back to those days when I don’t even care how much I’m going to spend for today as I know that tomorrow my parents will still give me my daily allowance again. Many of us, including myself, dream of what we’ll be working as once we’re working adults, and some of us even wished that we could quickly reach adulthood so that we can stop going to school and step into the alluring working life.

Oh no! Everything seems to be the opposite way of what we had dreamt that working life will be. When we started working for a couple of years, some, including myself again, regretted not studying harder when we were young. Some of us, like myself too, missed those good old school days where we lazed around doing nothing and just play around like some monkeys on the loose.

For some people, life is never like a piece of cake and life is never a smooth sailing path for them. Well, life is never satisfying for anybody. The rich will always want to get the things they want and not what they need. The poor will always want to get the things they need and not what they want.

What are your wants in life? What are your needs in life?

My headache never goes away. They never fail to visit me every single day. I don’t need them and I also don’t want them at all.

Help!

Healthy Lifestyle Begins With Me

Today is a damn shag day. Now I felt like a shaggy old doggie. hahaha…

Must be wondering why I’m so shag right? Heex. Went for the Mizuno Run at Mount Faber today morning at 7.30am. It’s a 10km run ok? Mai siao siao leh. I’m a long distance runner by default hor. hahaha…

I finished the race in about an hour and 30 minutes. But that’s very good for 1st timers like me who never had any training beforehand ok? This was my 1st 10km run you know? Now my legs ached like mad and my headache was so bad in the afternoon. Such a bad after-race torture. haiz…

Oh ya. Then there was this woman who came in 10th position who went up stage to collect her prize. You know what? She didn’t wear any bra and her nipples were so obvious. Dammit. There’re so many people who participated in the race, but being open-minded is not like that ok? Save the “nipple-look” at home or somewhere else lady. haiz…

But afterall, it was quite fun. I’ll be participating in more runs in the future, it’s a great workout thou. And of cause, I’m also being attracted there by the goodie bags they’re giving out. hahahaha…

Any interested friends who want to join me I’ll definitely welcome them. Let’s have a healthy lifestyle together my loved ones.

My Life

I don’t blame God who created me and gave me this life. God is always fair. Whatever he gives you with abundance, there must be something he’ll not give you sufficient enough.

There is no perfect person in this world. The richest person in this world must be lacking something in his/her life which he/her wanted most but can’t get it. Perhaps it’s love from everyone. The poorest person may not have the money to do even the simplest thing in his/her life, but perhaps he/she gets loved by everyone around him/her.

Life is never perfect. Same goes here. I may not be able to achieve whatever I’ve always wanted in my life, career, etc. But I always get loved by everyone around me.

I’ve got a very loving elder sister whom may sound a bit fierce to me at times. But in fact, she loves me a lot. Since young, she has always been there for me. She’s always pampering me with her love, it’s really beyond description. Whenever she gets to know I’m down and needed help, she’ll definitely be there for me. I love my sister very much.

I’ve got a very naggy mummy and a very quiet daddy. But when they got to know I’m feeling sad, they’re super anxious about me. My daddy don’t have to tell me that he loves me, but I can sense it in his conversation. Though my mummy keeps repeating to me time and time again that she loves me the most and I told her I don’t believe her, but in fact I know she really loves me. Just that I can’t accept the fact that she said she loves me the most when I know that she loves my second brother the most.

I’ve got very nice and caring friends around me. Friends who’ll always tell me they love me and they’ll always be there for me (which they’re always there for me when I needed them most). I thank God who gave me all these friends to stay with me throughout my sad moments in life. They’re my pillar in my life as well. Without them, perhaps I’ve long returned my body and soul to God.

God didn’t give me a very smooth sailing life, but yet he gave me very loving family and friends around to accompany me throughout my life. What more can I ask for from God?

I don’t, can’t and won’t blame anyone about why my life is so bitter. All I can blame is myself for not being able to make the best and do the best out of it.

But best of all, God gave me Andrea and Adrienne. They’re the best of the best I can ever ask for in my entire journey in my life. I love Andrea and Adrienne the most and I'll love them forever.

Thots Abt My Life

What is it that you want in your life? What is it that you hope you can get in your life? What is it that you needed in your life?

Very often, we’ll lose our direction in life. We’ll lose our momentum in life. We’ll lose the will power to live.

How do we pull ourselves back whenever we’re lost? Can someone enlighten me please?

Very much I want to do the best for everyone, my family and for even for myself. But I always failed to do so. I don’t even know how to get the best results for the things that I’ve done so far.

I never have any regrets of whatever I’ve done so far in my life. No regrets of all the choices I’ve made till now. No regrets of the path I’ve chose to walk. No regrets of living my life with whoever I’ve lived with before. No regrets of loving whoever I’ve loved before.

But all of a sudden I’m so tired of everything already. So tired of how my life goes. So tired of living life as it is now.

Till that day/time comes, no one is sure of what’s going to happen next.

Daily Thots

In life, don’t ever expect the best to happen to you when you needed that miracle most. All you can do is to only hope that the worst will not befall onto you. What you think is right may not be what is seems to be.

Life is so tiring. Maintaining a good people-to-people relationship is so damn tiring. How to make the best out of both worlds? You can’t man. It’s either a win-lose situation or a lose-lose situation. Ok la. At times there’ll be a win-win situation.

Oh gosh~ What nonsense am I talking about here? I’ve absolutely no idea about it and I really can’t sort out my thoughts right. Don't know and don't understand why i'm so moody here.

When you think all the hard work that you’ve put in for the company is worth it when you’re given that second chance, everything breaks apart again. You don’t get the kind of rewards/satisfaction/appreciation you’ve always wanted in that job. Then you start to ponder and your thoughts start to wander off again. You start asking yourself again and again if whatever you’ve done and re-done is worth it or not? Is it that all the time and effort you’ve put in are wasted again?

In life, you’re always put in those decision-making scenarios. You’ve to decide what you want to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner. You’ve to decide what to wear to work today and the top priority tasks you've to complete by today. You've to decide what kind of hairstyle you want for this season and what colour you want your contact lens to be. You’ve to decide which schools your kids are to attend and what kind of CCAs they’re suppose to do. You’ve to decide this and decide that. Life is so damn tiring.

I don’t know when I’ll stop deciding everything or when I’m going to stop thinking about everything.

I just hope you will stop forcing me to a corner. Stop arguing with me and making my day such a bad one. Stop wanting those things from me that you don’t really need that urgently/badly/importantly. Don’t always think that you’re always right and I’m always wrong. It’s because of your stubbornness that makes our relationship so sour. 9 years ago we were bonded together because of a piece of paper. 8 years later we were separated away by another piece of paper. Get on with your life and let me get on with mine. Stop making my life so bad with all your nonsense. If you think that making my life so bad so you could live happier, then you’re really damn childish. Stop scolding me being such a childish kid when you’re no much better off. You’re the most unreasonable and childish person I’ve ever known so far.

You were once like a saint to me. Now you’re far more worst then a devil in my heart.

Revenge gets you to nowhere in life.

Thots

Everyday you wake up in the morning, you have a choice. You have a choice to start the day happily or to start the day with a face full of sorrows. Whatever you’ve been thinking about during the previous day/night, leave it to stay where it was. Don’t carry it forward to the next day. Life is so stressful when you think it is stressful. Life is so carefree when you think it is carefree.

It everything as easy as it is? It is so easily said and done?

I don’t want to think about anything or everything until it is so detailed. What will come will eventually come. What will go will also go away afterall. Why do I have to bother about everything and make myself so tired? I am so tired. So tired of every single little thing that comes in my way. Am I starting to hate everything? Starting to detest life? What’s the best solution here? Why am I always forced to make the decisions and choices in life? Am I destined to have such a eventful life?

Anyway, what’s the point of complaining? Does it gets better or does it solve anything or everything?

I’ve been visiting my mum at SGH recently. She went for a total knee replacement operation. She’s been behaving like a small kid. Just don’t know what to say to her. Everytime when I visit her, thoughts start running into my mind. I began to think if one day when I’m like my mother lying in the hospital after undergoing an operation, will my kids visit me everyday? Will they come and stay with me until I say I want to go to bed then they’ll go back home?

I am really such a loser. Such a failure in life. What I wanted in life I can’t get it. What I don’t want in life I get it.

I missed Andrea and Adrienne so much. Do they miss me as much as I missed them too?

Work Pressure

i'm so stressed up at work. life is not easy there. its getting so damn tough. one miserable freaking pay yet wants me to multi-task so many person's duties. yet. the sad thing is. no one appreciates my contributions at all. when they need my help. they're super nice to me. in terms of facial expression or in terms of words being used. when you need to chase them for some information / document / report. they turned mean with their choice of words and their facial expressions. haiz.

another sad thing. my boss did not confirm my probation at all. i'm supposed to be confirmed on January 07. but till to-date. she has not spoken to me at all about my confirmation. never tell me whether i'll die or whether i'll survive. or perhaps inform me when's my death date. haiz. is that the way a boss should behave? she's a nice boss. but if want to kill me also must let me know the reason and date la. like that hang me in the air. for what? it serves no purpose at all lor. it'll only kill my motivation and morale to strive better at work.

what i heard from HR. next friday we're (my 2 bosses, HR and myself) going to discuss about my work performance. then by end April 07 will be my judgement day. whether i'll make it or not will be decided by then. if i can't make it. it's either they'll serve me a month's notice or they'll get me to serve them a month's notice.

i hate this. after all the effort i've put in. this is what i get in the end. pay me peanuts yet they want a super goody good person on the job. come on lor. where to find a perfect employee? i'm sure everyone have their own flaws. no one is perfect lor. dammit. i hate myself for not being able to pull myself out from there in the past. now have to wait for judgement day. what kind of motivation they want to drive in their employee? no monetary rewards nor is there any job satisfaction at all. nothing but only judgements of their own.

how to make an employee stay in the company for long? either give them monetary rewards or most importantly. give them the job satisfaction they're looking for. give them the kind of appreciation they want in the job that monetary rewards cannot buy.

I Can't Take More Of These

why are all these things happening to me? am i supposed to die from sorrows?

my gal friend just died couple of days ago. i'm still trying to pull myself together after crying for days. yet today. a guy friend of mine can tell me if i want to see him it must be within this 3 weeks. after that. he'll be going to a far far away place and never be back. what is this? what is he trying to tell me? he won't tell me on the phone. but he sounded so indifferent from his usual style. there's no "life" in his voice. he didn't even laugh much when i cracked jokes. he sounded so moody and sad. he's with his parents now. reason being he won't have the chance in future so he's trying to spend more time with them while he still can.

oh god. please don't take all my friends away from me ok? they're all so young. too young to leave this world to another world.

oh god. what have i done wrong that you're slowly taking my friends away from me? i can't take another death please. please don't do this to me. they all have a very bright future ahead of them. please.

Why?

i don't understand at all.

why did it have to end this way? why did you have to choose this path?

you always tell me to forget all the unhappiness. you always remind me that i have so many good friends around me. you always tell me to look on the bright side and think only about the happy times that i had shared with my friends. so that this way. i'll be happier.

i don't believe you at all. because you did not practice what you preached.

you chose to give up your family and friends. and most importantly. you gave up your life.

i missed you babe. missed the caring moments that you had showered on me. missed the lovely and happy moments that we had shared.

why didn't you give me a chance to love you more? why didn't you give me a chance to show more concern to you?

why didn't you tell me you were moody that night when we were sms-ing each other? why didn't i date you out that night? if only i had dated you out that night. would it have prevented this thing from happening?

you'll always have a place in my heart. you'll always have a part in my memories.

Daily Thots

why do i have to know this guy in my life.. now that he is already history in my life.. then why am i still so affected by his words and actions?? i hate myself.. hate my own weakness in handling situations.. i hate myself for not being able to control my own tears.. actually.. in fact.. i hate him more than anything in this world already.. shit him.. ask him go fark spider better..

life is full of surprises.. you may meet the right person and you may not meet the right person.. sometimes fate just wants to make a fool out of you.. it lets you fall head over heels over this person and then the next moment.. you're so damn pissed off with this person that you hate him to the core... wish he would just rot and die away.. hahahaha..

crazy people live crazy lives.. but crazy people live happier worries free lives..

bless the people out there with the best lives they can ever wish for..

Daily Thots

Wow! Guess what again. This morning while I was on my way to work, I met him on the road. Saw this Silverline cab, which of course is very normal to see on the road. But this particular cab just makes me want to look at the driver inside. When I looked in, I saw him. He did not see me, because when I passed by him I turned my head away. Haiz... Don’t know if he can feel my presence near him or not? Just when I thought of him yesterday, then today morning happen to see him. Is this all fated?

Fate always makes a fool out of us. People that we don’t wish to see nor wish to hear about their news, they’ll eventually appear right in front of us or the news will travel to our ears. No matter how hard we try to escape away from reality, it’ll never succeed. The only thing is to face reality, so that our lives will be much easier.

Do I miss him? I don’t know. Maybe its not because I missed him. Maybe its because I can’t let go of the time I had spent with him and the memories that we had shared together. But since I chose this path, I got to face it. I’m definitely living a happy life at the moment, but I also don’t wish to forget the memories I had with him. If I choose to forget all of it, doesn’t it mean that I’ve wasted my 10 over years spent with him. Life is never a regret. Now is just a transition period in my life. Life has many stages, he is just one of the person who plays an important part in one of the stages in my life.

My greatest gift from him? Andrea and Adrienne, that’s the best he had ever given me in my life and I’ll definitely cherish and love them with my life.

Thots In The Ofc

I thought I’m already over and done with all those feelings. Suddenly, all the hatred and hurt came back all together. Lucky thing is that this time round, the negativity only stayed for awhile. I guess pretty soon, I’ll be over and done with all those sad emotions.

Guess what. Things I’ve loved and enjoyed since young were all not being carried out together with my kids and him. Now, it’s all being carried out together with the kids. The only thing is that the lady in the picture is not me, it’s “her”.

I loved flying kites since I was a kid. I always enjoyed watching my brothers fly their kites so high up in the sky. Or if not, it’ll be them trying to cut off people’s kites with their so-called ‘string with glass’. As I grew older, I went flying kites with my friends, and perhaps only once with the man I loved so deeply. Then never again did he try to bring me go fly kites again. It’s either he’s really busy or we’ll just stay at home to watch television, because he don’t really like the sun. Now, things are so much different. He goes flying kites with the kids and together with “her”. At this point of time, all I can think of is that I’m really not a capable wife. Not capable of making him do with me the things I loved and enjoyed. I can’t make him take leave for me to bring me and his family for a few nights stay at the chalet nor can I persuade him to go ‘Wild Wild Wet’ with me and the kids. Sometimes I really wonder. Is it that the flame between us had long died off? The years that we’ve both spent together for so long, is it just because of the commitments we both shared?

I loved rollerblading. If one day I should hear him go rollerblading with her, I think my heart would break and really cry out loud. Because there was never once I can get him to go with me, even when I made the effort to buy another pair of rollerblades so that he can wear one pair to go rollerblading with me. I see families at East Coast Park who does exercises together, how much I envy them do you know? I thought eventually there could be a day when I can go rollerblading with him and the kids, that would be such great fun man. But that is never ever going to happen. Never.

My heart is aching now and my tears are about to flow out. But I won’t cry. No, I won’t cry for him again.

What is eternal love? My love for him has died, which I do hope so. I want to hate him, but it’s all so tiring. The more hatred you have for the person, the more you can’t forget the person.

Someone once told me that he is living a better life and happier life without me. Guess it’s really his luck or happiness that we aren’t together anymore. Was he really so unhappy or so poor thing when he was with me?

What is most important to me now? My kids, my career, my friends, my health and my happiness. What else matters? Nah, I can’t think of anything else at the moment.

I can’t work now. My mind is not working. My heart is not working as well. Shit man.