Daily Tots

Grandma passed away on Friday (21/7) night, diagnosed as lung infection & heart failure. I was there at the hospital till 8pm. Then I went out to cool myself down as its really a torture to see her have such difficulty in breathing. Then I went back inside her ward to check on her again, left the hospital at about 815pm. When I was about to reach home at about 9plus, received a call from Edmund saying that they received a call from Ah Meng korkor that the hospital had called to say grandma had passed away at 835pm. Don't understand why I felt so sad at that point of time, I cried.

When I reached the hospital, I thought I could control my tears again. But when I saw grandma's body & legs being tied up, I broke down in tears again. It was such a heart-breaking scene. Grandma's skin color had turned into so yellowish/white, but she looked so peaceful. I think this so be a good thing also as grandma had difficulty in breathing since Thursday. On Thursday, doctor said grandma can't live pass two days and had asked us to start making preparations for the necessary. On Friday itself, grandma's heart stopped once in the wee hours and another time in the early morning.

The days at the wake passed so quickly and came the funeral day. I hid one corner & cried when the band started playing their 1st song. Don't understand why I felt so sad and my heart felt so sour at that time. When we were at Mandai crementorium's hall, I felt very very sad. Then we went to the viewing hall to see grandma's corpse being pushed to "burn". I cried during the whole process. Haiz...

Life's so short. Even if grandma had lived 81 years, but in fact how long had she seen us and spent time with her kids & relatives? Just like my family, we only meet up during festive seasons (eg. CNY) or when something like that crops up. So sad ah, but that's the truth.

Daily Tots

Am I a dog? Do I look like one? Does anyone in the office look like one

No lor. The one who keeps barking his head off at others is the actual son of a bitch!

Dammit! What right does he have to shout at others? He keeps shouting at others and everyone keeps quiet but that doesn't mean I've to keep quiet too right? Of cos I shout back when I'm not supposed to be shouted at. Don't like it right? It's your farking business that you don't like me to shout back at you! Reason very simple. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FARKING RIGHTS TO SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT! GO SHOUT AT YOUR OWN KIDS OR WHOSOEVER IS RELATED TO YOU! I'M NOT YOUR WHOSOEVER SO YOU DON'T BLADY HELL COME SHOUT AT ME YOU FARKING OLD PIECE OF SHIT!

ARGH!!! Why does he like to channel all his negative feelings at others? Can't he keep his irritating words and actions all to himself? If he gets pressured by his boss, it's understandable that he'll get fustrated. By that doesn't give him any rights to shout at us. His boss also never shouts at him. Why can't he behave like a boss and like his boss? Why does he act like an irritating asshole? He can give us pressure back but not shout at us. We're humans and we work for the company. Not his dogs who work under him. Please get the facts right you farking old piece of shit! I'm so damn pissed off with you already. No way I can stand you. I know you've tolerated me for quite sometime already. But don't you realised that we've all tolerated you for a even longer time?

Wake up your blady mind you piece of shit! Get a life and get in line you blady old bastard!

Dammit! You really spoilt other people's day. You'll get your retribution for treating other people like that. You just wait and see what will happen to you.

Daily Tots

What's wrong with me?

Life is in a mess for me. Nothing is doing right for me. What the hell is going on?

Up till this point of time now. Isn't this what I've wanted? Isn't this what I wanted it to be?

I'll try to forget you as days goes by. I'll try to do that, if only I can. I want to forget you, so that I'll feel less pain without you in my life. But my heart doesn't allow me to forget you. Every now and then, I'll think of you. Think about the things we've done together. Think about the jokes we've laughed together. Think about the good and bad times we've spent together. Think about everything we've gone through together. Think about your smile and your love towards me.

Life's not going to be easy without you. Everything has to be started all over again. Many thoughts have to be kept deep down inside my heart and never to be said again.

Sorry that I've hurt you deeply. Nothing that I say will ever erase the pain I've inflicted in you. I'm really sorry for all the pain you're feeling now. I'm paying my price now too. But no worries. I'll live through all these pain that I'm going through now. Time will erase away all the pain that we're both feeling now. We're both survivors, we'll get through it eventually.

Life still has to go on. Life will have a fresh new page in your life without me. You'll get by it too. I just hope we'll stay in contact forever. Hope we'll be able to chat as happily as we used to be in future. Wishful thinking on my part? I'll have to accept reality.

You'll always be the dearest love I've always loved. I've no regrets in knowing you. No regrets in spending my time with you. No regrets in giving out all my love to you. You are always the best.

Daily Tots

This couple of mths so many dammit changes in my life. 1st thing is the World Cup 2006 has burnt a hole in my pocket. If minus away the few matches I lost, actually i'll have won some moni instead. I lost to where lehz? Australia, England, Brazil & Germany. AHHHHH!!!! I hate Brazil. Made me lost so much. My Ronaldhino & Kaka. What were the two of you doing? Why didn't the two of you save the whole blady situation? Haiz.......

2nd thing, my job scope changed. Now I have to cover AT's (the other secretary) work bcos her last day was ytd. She was transferred or I shld say she got promoted & moved to another centre under our group of properties. Dammit!! Now I'm paid 1 salary but doing 3 person's job. I used to be paid 1 salary to do 2 person's job. Now 3! Fark it man!! Then no one bothers to give proper instructions as in where I shld be seated. At AT's place or my own place? They assume I'll do all the necessary adjustments myself. How am I to serve her boss if I'm at my own seat? Do you know how farking far my dept is away fm her rom? Althou iz in the same office, but there's a distance & pls for heaven's sake!! I've loads of files/diskettes/working equip to carry over to her room if I shld be seated there leh. Then what? Who will inform my boss that I've to be seated where and when AT's boss comes down, my priority is her boss not him. Alot of things have to be decided and proper instructions have to be given to make sure daily tasks are not affected at all. Hey come on la!! I AM NOT GOD!! Farking cbz.. I really hate my job. Hate my job to the core.

Let's see how long more I can take it before my "white envelope" appears. Don't expect me to do everything when sometimes some other work can be delegated out. For example, the daily lunchtime receptionist duties that I've to do. Can't they get their own receptionist to cover the office's receptionist work when the latter goes for her lunch? Fark it man. Everything exepects me to do it. CCB!! I hate them. Maybe HL is right. There's no friends in the office. Everyone is only your colleague.

Aiyah.. I was thinking. Maybe iz time I start investing in 4D & ToTo. Like that when I strike it rich then I can throw the "white envelope" at their face liao. HAHAHAHAHA...

But right now I can't do anything stupid. I can't leave the job cos I still need to save up for my kids future. Everything needs moni. Hmm.. Maybe they saw this thing in me so they know I sure won't call it quits. That's why they throw everything let me do cos they know I've my committments to meet and I just can't let go of this job. Fark them!!

Iz ok. I've my own back-up plans. Once I succeed in my own back-up plans. I'll ask them to go and eat their own shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!