Thots For The Day

10.40am
I did not slack on my work at all. I put in 100% in my job. But why is it that my work never fails to pile up like a mountain? Why is it that it always becomes worst when I come back from my leave? I’m having a very bad tummy ache now. It’s all due to stress. I need to distress myself.

11.55pm
Friends come and go in your life. No one actually stays long enough to walk with you throughout the journey.

I am happy with the friends I have now in my life. I don’t ask for too much. I just want to fully enjoy their company when we’re still close now. No one can predict what will happen in the future. All we can do now is to cherish what we have now. Things that are supposed to happen in the future, wait for the day to come then decide.

I’m very tired of making decisions. Really hope I can find someone to make all the decisions in my life.

What is a relationship? It involves a lot of commitments and a lot of seriousness. If you can’t commit nor be serious about it, then you better don’t waste the other party’s time. Let them have a chance to find some other better partner out there.

Being single? It’s all about handling loneliness in an effective way so that you won’t just settle for anyone out there so easily. Do not fear to be lonely. There’re many things out there waiting for you to do.

Time is never enough. Sleep is never enough. Money is never enough. Then where got enough time to think about being lonely?

I’m tired, so tired of everything.

200 Pounds Beauty

Hanna is a lip sync vocalist for Ammy, the famous Korean pop singer. Even though Hanna is always ignored due to her appearance, she has always been a bright and happy girl until Ammy humiliated her in front of Sang-jun, the one she secretly admired.

Finally, she made a life-changing decision: to have a major cosmetic surgery… Will this move, will her unrequited love get any return?

I loved this movie, it made me cried at certain scenes. Loved Hanna's strong and bubbly character. Loved Hanna's determination to do the best for the person she loved but yet not forgetting her principles in life.

Can I be as determined as Hanna in life? Can I have her kind of brightness even thou sadness may be around me always?

I need a life-changing decision too. What can it be then?

Disappointment

People-to-people relationships are so scary. Nowadays, people around you tend to take things for granted. They’re just so insincere to you. Why are people acting like that?

To me, the basic of being friends is all about sincerity. If there are things you do not wish others to know, its either you don’t talk about it or you tell the other party directly/indirectly not to ask about it. I feel that it’s unnecessary to tell a lie. Sometimes to you, it may feel like its just a small joke. But to others, it’s the basic requirement of a friendship and yet such things could have just reflected how insincere you are in this relationship.

Haiz~

Of course I don’t expect others to think the way I think. But at least, isn’t that a basic necessity in a friendship?

I’m disappointed, that’s all I can say.

Please

You can never stop all those troubles from coming to you.

Life is predestined. But life is never a piece of cake which is so sweet and delicious.

But can I just hope that all these come slowly at a time? Let me have a little breathing space, please? Please don’t let me handle everything at a shot, I can’t and I cannot promise I’ll be able to live it through strongly.

I apologise if I’ve caused any hurt to anyone around me. I don’t dare to seek any forgiveness here, but I just wished everyone around me can live happily.

Thots for the Day

Oh yeah~

After 4 days of fever and 2 days of diarrhoea, I finally recovered already. Yesterday had diarrhoea for 4 times throughout the day. So pathetic man.

Oh yes~

Tomorrow night start my new part-time job le. Yes! Yes! Yes!

It’ll be very tiring for me but at least, I don’t have to worry so much about no money to ………….

Haiz~

There’re just too many things on my mind already. I really want to settle everything fast and leave this place. Leave this place as in leave Singapore once and for all. Actually, I hate this place. I don’t understand why love can’t make me stay here. There isn’t the right kind of love waiting for me here.

What is it I want? I can’t make it out myself too.

Thots Of The Day

I hated myself. I hated myself for not being able to treasure a lot of things in my life. Taking things for granted was not what I always wanted, but I think I’ve done it. Now losing it is a regret to me but there isn’t any choice left as I wasn’t given any chance to explain further.

Apologies to anyone who thinks I’ve taken them for a ride or taken them for granted. Very much I don’t wish that to happen but it may have actually happened. I can’t explain myself anymore further as I think at this point of time, nothing else matters even how hard I try to explain myself. You’ve chosen to close your heart on me, then here I shall take my leave away from you although very much I can’t bear to do so.

Friends are very important to me at any point of time in my life. I really appreciate all the care and concern all my friends have showered on me throughout all these years in my life. Really appreciate it sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

Life ain’t getting any easier, but I believe that the strong will survive.

Am I Sick

Oh no! My fever is back again, so are my body aches. What the hell is happening to me? Can someone please enlighten me? I’ve already seen 2 different doctors and yet did not seem to recover nor become better. I feel so terrible now. At times I really wished I’ll be better off dead. So damn suffering now. I’ve never been so sick before, and what’s more such a lengthy one.

Am I stressing myself too much? I don’t even know the answer.

Friends have been asking me to share my thoughts with them. It’s not that I don’t want to share with them, or perhaps I really don’t want to share my negativity around, it’s just sometimes I don’t even know what is running through my mind. Is it my work that is too stressful for me? Is it the spending of quality family time stressing me so much? Or perhaps am I being stressed out financially?

Sometimes I wonder if I should go and consult some expertise advice. Perhaps I am not in the right state of mind. But it also can’t be. Because I can still perform my daily tasks perfectly, be it at work or at home.

Then what? Am I crazy or what you referred as mentally unsound?

Oh no! This is getting bad. Physically and mentally sick. Will I end up in IMH one of these days? Oh shit!

I think everything is not going on very smoothly for me. Perhaps its time I go away alone for sometime. If not, I really don’t know when I’ll eventually breakdown.

Sometimes I’m so scared of myself. I felt like I’m the worst mother in the entire universe. There are times when I’m so stressed up, I even thought of giving up the kids. How could I, right? I carried them in my stomach for 9 months, went through the excruciating labour pains, and went through the sickening confinement period, and this is what I want? Oh no! I can’t help thinking that I’m the worst mother because such little stress I’m going through now, I can’t face it and yet I want to choose to escape from it.

What the hell am I thinking about? Oh no! I really hate myself. I’m such a weakling. I cannot be such a weakling. I used to be a very decisive girl and I will always be. I used to be the girl who faces challenges right in the face and not choose to escape and I will always want to stay that way. I used to be the most cheerful gal and I will always want to be. I used to be the happy-go-lucky type and I will always want to be.

But reality hurts. When you’re an adult, you won’t have the best slice of the cake. Somehow or rather, either corner of the cake would have been mashed up by your knife when you did the slicing of the cake.

Oh no! What am I talking about now? Spouting nonsense? See see see. I told you I’m crazy.

I feel very sick again. Physically and mentally. Can someone please save me from the mess I’ve made with my life.

Fustrations

*yawn* \(^0^)/

These few days I’ve been taking too much medicine already until I couldn’t take my afternoon nap today. Instead of falling asleep, I felt as if I was floating in the sky. Jialat man. Very fast I’ll become a drug addict. (hahaha)

Early this morning at about 6plus went to a 24hr clinic at Hougang. I couldn’t wait for the other clinics to open at 9am because the whole of last night my bones were in great pain. So pain so pain that I even wanted to go to the hospital.

Reached the clinic and the doctor took some time before wanting to see me. Throughout the whole consultation, he was like trying to open his eyes. He kept touching his face, touching his neck and rolling his eyeballs. These are the actions you’ll either do when you’re about to go bed or when you’ve just woke up trying to concentrate on doing something. Idiot! I paid $80 just to see his sleepy face? Then he suggested that I take a blood test to check if I’ve got dengue fever or malaria. Ok. Although I’m very scared of needles, but the pain from the syringe didn’t hurt as bad as my bones. Then he just prescribed me some painkillers and that’s all. Hello? If I only want his painkillers, then I would have waited till 9am to see other doctors already ok you stupid fool. Then I requested for some sleeping pills because the pain I’m having now disturbs my sleep. Know what? He said the paracetamol he prescribed to me will make me sleep as it is also a muscle relaxant. Come on la. You think I’m a 3-year old girl? Paracetamol can only relieve the pain and not make you drowsy and thus enable you to fall asleep. Stupid doctor. Think I first time come across painkillers? Pay so much to see his face and he just want to brush me off like that? Think I am stupid or what? Really hate all this practitioner doctors. Inexperienced and irresponsible.

About 4pm, the nurse called and said my blood test result is out. Normal. See? I already said I don’t have dengue fever nor what he said as malaria. Whatever! And what is the cause of my 3 days fever? No reason given. Unknown medical case.

Should have taken down his name. But anyway, the 24hr clinic at Blk 681, Hougang Ave.8 must be BANNED!!!

I am feeling so drowsy now. Do whatever things also cannot concentrate. Hope by tomorrow I can go back to work, because I REALLY CANNOT STAND ALL YOUR (COLLEAGUES) SMS ALREADY!!! STOP SENDING SMS TO ME!!! I NEED MY REST!!!

I Need A Break

This morning fever came back again and my cough as mentioned by the doctor yesterday, became worst.

Hmm.. If I coughed like that on my trip to work, I’ll sure get a lot of glares from the other travelling passengers.

I woke up at 7plus to have a piece of bread and a cup of milo, in order for me to take my medicine. Then I went back to sleep at about 8am. And guess what? My mobile phone started flooding with sms from my colleagues from 8plus to 10plus. Oh gosh! What is this? Come on. I need a break and some good rest. Can someone or everyone please work on your own?

My boss wanted me back today. Yesterday, I told her I’ll try to make it today if I could. But this morning my fever came back and my whole body ached like mad, how to go back? Ok. I did said I’ll try to go back in the afternoon. But with all the stupid sms coming in and not getting enough rest, how to make it back?

My head hurts a lot. My cough is bad. My body is weak. I feel giddy.

Please everyone, let me have my rest will you? The company can still survive and work can still go on without me ok? I hated this you know. When I am physically in the office, you people treat me as if my contributions there are nothing and that my work is of no importance. But whenever I’m not around, everyone searches high and low for me for every single little information.

Why is it always this scenario in work? Why can’t all of you appreciate my contributions when I’m around and not find me of some importance when I’m not around? Why is it that people will only cherish those after they’re gone and not treasure them when they’re around?

Haiz..

Is work tough or is life tough?

Outing on 06.05.07 (Sunday)

Movie Plot
Peter Parker has finally managed to strike a balance between his devotion to Mary Jane and his duties as a superhero. However, a storm is brewing on the horizon. When his suit turns jet-black and enhances his powers, it transforms Peter as well, bringing out the dark, vengeful side of his personality. Under the influence of the suit, Peter becomes overconfident and starts to neglect the people who care for him most. Forced to choose between the seductive 'darker side' and the compassionate hero he used to be, he must overcome his personal demons somehow and face two of the most-feared villains, Sandman and Venom.

Watched ‘Spiderman 3’ with ZQ, Dean, Rina, Xing Xing, Xiao Ping, Ah Teck and Catherine. I enjoyed the movie, but choice of theatre was a wrong one. Wrong Wrong Wrong! We went to the theatre at Bugis. Throughout the entire movie, I kept shifting my sitting posture. Same goes for Dean. Because of the stupid seat, it made my backside stiff and my backbone ached like mad. The seat they have at Bugis is those kind of very straight seats. If you want to bring kids along to the movies there, you’ll have to use the booster seats as provided for the kids.

After the movies, we went to have steamboat buffet at “Happy Steamboat”, just opposite the DHL air-balloon. (I want to take the air-balloon!!!) Ate so much golden shitake mushrooms and green vegetables until my stomach so bloated. (hahaha)

After dinner we went to Mount Faber (The Altivo) to meet up Sean and his “girlfriend” for some drinks. Hmmm.. Wonder when Sean will officially announce to us that the girl is his new girlfriend? (hahaha) Then we had cheesecakes again. Yummy Yummy! I love cheesecakes.

Haiz.. Dean and gang gave me a new nickname again. Now I’m called “Bottomless Pit”. (hahaha)

What Is This Nonsense?

My mobile phone keep ringing today, its either the messages or the incoming calls. I can’t stand it anymore. Can’t I have a moment of peace when I’m sick? Hey! I’m no big shot in the company ok? Don’t come to me for every single thing ok?

My boss keeps sending me sms asking me for this and that, and she complains that the stand-in gal did nothing except sit at my place. What can I do? That gal had already tendered her resignation and is now serving her notice. How can you expect an irresponsible young gal who has already tendered to do anything more for you?

My boss says that there are people who always last minute want to ask for this and that so it’s a bad timing for me to go on mc. Huh? I beg your pardon? I didn’t want to be down with high fever you know? Do you know how terrible it felts to be down with high fever and there’s no one to take care of you except your mobile phone keeps ringing from people who needs your help in work? How can I rest myself well? The doctor gave me 2 days mc but I also didn’t want it also.

This is bad. This is really bad. I want a break off everything. I’m going to collapse sooner or later. Nobody is indispensable in a company. The company won’t collapse because of 1 employee.

But I really think that the youngsters nowadays are getting pretty bad. They’re so pampered in life that they’re so damn calculative at work. In every company, you’re supposed to multi-task. But to them is that they’re only paid to do this little bit and other things that you ask them to do, they felt like you’re bullying them. And when you point out their mistakes at work, they don’t accept it with an open heart. They even give you their ‘black face’. I thought in a company only the ‘old birds’ show attitude to the newbies? No lor, I’m always bullied by the ‘old birds’ and newbies.

Oh no! This is getting bad. I can’t stop whining again. STOP!

So Sick Today

I’m quite ok with having flu, cough or headaches. But having fever, it’s a “babyish” thing for me. It makes me cry a lot because of the body pain, the headaches, the cough, gastric pain etc. Everything comes at a go.

Had body aches since yesterday, but had fever this morning. I wanted to wait till I really sweat it all out before I go and see a doctor because I presume every time I sweat it out, I’ll be much more better. Today is bad, didn’t really sweat only kept having the on-off chills and sweats. So went to see a doctor at 1plus, the trip to the doctor downstairs was painful and the clinic suddenly felt so far away. Throughout my walk to the clinic, my bones everywhere was in pain. My soles, my toes, my hip bone, my back bone, my fingers, and my head felt so heavy today. My fever was 37.8oC and the doctor gave me 2days mc to rest at home. Oh no! My boss will be outstation on Wednesday and she’ll be gone for 2 weeks. Then here I am on 2 days mc, what would she think about me?

Haiz~

Suddenly I felt so alone in this world. No one to care for me when I’m sick. No one to take me to the doctor nor anyone here to feed me with my medicine. I hated being so sick.

Daily Thots

People-to-people relationship is so tough and so difficult to understand at times Some people will take you for granted while some will hold you close to their hearts as if you’re a piece of precious gemstone to them.

Working life is so tiring. How I wished I was a child again. Back to those days when I don’t give a damn to anything that’s happening around me. Back to those days when I don’t even care how much I’m going to spend for today as I know that tomorrow my parents will still give me my daily allowance again. Many of us, including myself, dream of what we’ll be working as once we’re working adults, and some of us even wished that we could quickly reach adulthood so that we can stop going to school and step into the alluring working life.

Oh no! Everything seems to be the opposite way of what we had dreamt that working life will be. When we started working for a couple of years, some, including myself again, regretted not studying harder when we were young. Some of us, like myself too, missed those good old school days where we lazed around doing nothing and just play around like some monkeys on the loose.

For some people, life is never like a piece of cake and life is never a smooth sailing path for them. Well, life is never satisfying for anybody. The rich will always want to get the things they want and not what they need. The poor will always want to get the things they need and not what they want.

What are your wants in life? What are your needs in life?

My headache never goes away. They never fail to visit me every single day. I don’t need them and I also don’t want them at all.

Help!