So Sick Today

I’m quite ok with having flu, cough or headaches. But having fever, it’s a “babyish” thing for me. It makes me cry a lot because of the body pain, the headaches, the cough, gastric pain etc. Everything comes at a go.

Had body aches since yesterday, but had fever this morning. I wanted to wait till I really sweat it all out before I go and see a doctor because I presume every time I sweat it out, I’ll be much more better. Today is bad, didn’t really sweat only kept having the on-off chills and sweats. So went to see a doctor at 1plus, the trip to the doctor downstairs was painful and the clinic suddenly felt so far away. Throughout my walk to the clinic, my bones everywhere was in pain. My soles, my toes, my hip bone, my back bone, my fingers, and my head felt so heavy today. My fever was 37.8oC and the doctor gave me 2days mc to rest at home. Oh no! My boss will be outstation on Wednesday and she’ll be gone for 2 weeks. Then here I am on 2 days mc, what would she think about me?

Haiz~

Suddenly I felt so alone in this world. No one to care for me when I’m sick. No one to take me to the doctor nor anyone here to feed me with my medicine. I hated being so sick.

Daily Thots

People-to-people relationship is so tough and so difficult to understand at times Some people will take you for granted while some will hold you close to their hearts as if you’re a piece of precious gemstone to them.

Working life is so tiring. How I wished I was a child again. Back to those days when I don’t give a damn to anything that’s happening around me. Back to those days when I don’t even care how much I’m going to spend for today as I know that tomorrow my parents will still give me my daily allowance again. Many of us, including myself, dream of what we’ll be working as once we’re working adults, and some of us even wished that we could quickly reach adulthood so that we can stop going to school and step into the alluring working life.

Oh no! Everything seems to be the opposite way of what we had dreamt that working life will be. When we started working for a couple of years, some, including myself again, regretted not studying harder when we were young. Some of us, like myself too, missed those good old school days where we lazed around doing nothing and just play around like some monkeys on the loose.

For some people, life is never like a piece of cake and life is never a smooth sailing path for them. Well, life is never satisfying for anybody. The rich will always want to get the things they want and not what they need. The poor will always want to get the things they need and not what they want.

What are your wants in life? What are your needs in life?

My headache never goes away. They never fail to visit me every single day. I don’t need them and I also don’t want them at all.

Help!

Healthy Lifestyle Begins With Me

Today is a damn shag day. Now I felt like a shaggy old doggie. hahaha…

Must be wondering why I’m so shag right? Heex. Went for the Mizuno Run at Mount Faber today morning at 7.30am. It’s a 10km run ok? Mai siao siao leh. I’m a long distance runner by default hor. hahaha…

I finished the race in about an hour and 30 minutes. But that’s very good for 1st timers like me who never had any training beforehand ok? This was my 1st 10km run you know? Now my legs ached like mad and my headache was so bad in the afternoon. Such a bad after-race torture. haiz…

Oh ya. Then there was this woman who came in 10th position who went up stage to collect her prize. You know what? She didn’t wear any bra and her nipples were so obvious. Dammit. There’re so many people who participated in the race, but being open-minded is not like that ok? Save the “nipple-look” at home or somewhere else lady. haiz…

But afterall, it was quite fun. I’ll be participating in more runs in the future, it’s a great workout thou. And of cause, I’m also being attracted there by the goodie bags they’re giving out. hahahaha…

Any interested friends who want to join me I’ll definitely welcome them. Let’s have a healthy lifestyle together my loved ones.

My Life

I don’t blame God who created me and gave me this life. God is always fair. Whatever he gives you with abundance, there must be something he’ll not give you sufficient enough.

There is no perfect person in this world. The richest person in this world must be lacking something in his/her life which he/her wanted most but can’t get it. Perhaps it’s love from everyone. The poorest person may not have the money to do even the simplest thing in his/her life, but perhaps he/she gets loved by everyone around him/her.

Life is never perfect. Same goes here. I may not be able to achieve whatever I’ve always wanted in my life, career, etc. But I always get loved by everyone around me.

I’ve got a very loving elder sister whom may sound a bit fierce to me at times. But in fact, she loves me a lot. Since young, she has always been there for me. She’s always pampering me with her love, it’s really beyond description. Whenever she gets to know I’m down and needed help, she’ll definitely be there for me. I love my sister very much.

I’ve got a very naggy mummy and a very quiet daddy. But when they got to know I’m feeling sad, they’re super anxious about me. My daddy don’t have to tell me that he loves me, but I can sense it in his conversation. Though my mummy keeps repeating to me time and time again that she loves me the most and I told her I don’t believe her, but in fact I know she really loves me. Just that I can’t accept the fact that she said she loves me the most when I know that she loves my second brother the most.

I’ve got very nice and caring friends around me. Friends who’ll always tell me they love me and they’ll always be there for me (which they’re always there for me when I needed them most). I thank God who gave me all these friends to stay with me throughout my sad moments in life. They’re my pillar in my life as well. Without them, perhaps I’ve long returned my body and soul to God.

God didn’t give me a very smooth sailing life, but yet he gave me very loving family and friends around to accompany me throughout my life. What more can I ask for from God?

I don’t, can’t and won’t blame anyone about why my life is so bitter. All I can blame is myself for not being able to make the best and do the best out of it.

But best of all, God gave me Andrea and Adrienne. They’re the best of the best I can ever ask for in my entire journey in my life. I love Andrea and Adrienne the most and I'll love them forever.

Thots Abt My Life

What is it that you want in your life? What is it that you hope you can get in your life? What is it that you needed in your life?

Very often, we’ll lose our direction in life. We’ll lose our momentum in life. We’ll lose the will power to live.

How do we pull ourselves back whenever we’re lost? Can someone enlighten me please?

Very much I want to do the best for everyone, my family and for even for myself. But I always failed to do so. I don’t even know how to get the best results for the things that I’ve done so far.

I never have any regrets of whatever I’ve done so far in my life. No regrets of all the choices I’ve made till now. No regrets of the path I’ve chose to walk. No regrets of living my life with whoever I’ve lived with before. No regrets of loving whoever I’ve loved before.

But all of a sudden I’m so tired of everything already. So tired of how my life goes. So tired of living life as it is now.

Till that day/time comes, no one is sure of what’s going to happen next.

Daily Thots

In life, don’t ever expect the best to happen to you when you needed that miracle most. All you can do is to only hope that the worst will not befall onto you. What you think is right may not be what is seems to be.

Life is so tiring. Maintaining a good people-to-people relationship is so damn tiring. How to make the best out of both worlds? You can’t man. It’s either a win-lose situation or a lose-lose situation. Ok la. At times there’ll be a win-win situation.

Oh gosh~ What nonsense am I talking about here? I’ve absolutely no idea about it and I really can’t sort out my thoughts right. Don't know and don't understand why i'm so moody here.

When you think all the hard work that you’ve put in for the company is worth it when you’re given that second chance, everything breaks apart again. You don’t get the kind of rewards/satisfaction/appreciation you’ve always wanted in that job. Then you start to ponder and your thoughts start to wander off again. You start asking yourself again and again if whatever you’ve done and re-done is worth it or not? Is it that all the time and effort you’ve put in are wasted again?

In life, you’re always put in those decision-making scenarios. You’ve to decide what you want to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner. You’ve to decide what to wear to work today and the top priority tasks you've to complete by today. You've to decide what kind of hairstyle you want for this season and what colour you want your contact lens to be. You’ve to decide which schools your kids are to attend and what kind of CCAs they’re suppose to do. You’ve to decide this and decide that. Life is so damn tiring.

I don’t know when I’ll stop deciding everything or when I’m going to stop thinking about everything.

I just hope you will stop forcing me to a corner. Stop arguing with me and making my day such a bad one. Stop wanting those things from me that you don’t really need that urgently/badly/importantly. Don’t always think that you’re always right and I’m always wrong. It’s because of your stubbornness that makes our relationship so sour. 9 years ago we were bonded together because of a piece of paper. 8 years later we were separated away by another piece of paper. Get on with your life and let me get on with mine. Stop making my life so bad with all your nonsense. If you think that making my life so bad so you could live happier, then you’re really damn childish. Stop scolding me being such a childish kid when you’re no much better off. You’re the most unreasonable and childish person I’ve ever known so far.

You were once like a saint to me. Now you’re far more worst then a devil in my heart.

Revenge gets you to nowhere in life.

Thots

Everyday you wake up in the morning, you have a choice. You have a choice to start the day happily or to start the day with a face full of sorrows. Whatever you’ve been thinking about during the previous day/night, leave it to stay where it was. Don’t carry it forward to the next day. Life is so stressful when you think it is stressful. Life is so carefree when you think it is carefree.

It everything as easy as it is? It is so easily said and done?

I don’t want to think about anything or everything until it is so detailed. What will come will eventually come. What will go will also go away afterall. Why do I have to bother about everything and make myself so tired? I am so tired. So tired of every single little thing that comes in my way. Am I starting to hate everything? Starting to detest life? What’s the best solution here? Why am I always forced to make the decisions and choices in life? Am I destined to have such a eventful life?

Anyway, what’s the point of complaining? Does it gets better or does it solve anything or everything?

I’ve been visiting my mum at SGH recently. She went for a total knee replacement operation. She’s been behaving like a small kid. Just don’t know what to say to her. Everytime when I visit her, thoughts start running into my mind. I began to think if one day when I’m like my mother lying in the hospital after undergoing an operation, will my kids visit me everyday? Will they come and stay with me until I say I want to go to bed then they’ll go back home?

I am really such a loser. Such a failure in life. What I wanted in life I can’t get it. What I don’t want in life I get it.

I missed Andrea and Adrienne so much. Do they miss me as much as I missed them too?

Work Pressure

i'm so stressed up at work. life is not easy there. its getting so damn tough. one miserable freaking pay yet wants me to multi-task so many person's duties. yet. the sad thing is. no one appreciates my contributions at all. when they need my help. they're super nice to me. in terms of facial expression or in terms of words being used. when you need to chase them for some information / document / report. they turned mean with their choice of words and their facial expressions. haiz.

another sad thing. my boss did not confirm my probation at all. i'm supposed to be confirmed on January 07. but till to-date. she has not spoken to me at all about my confirmation. never tell me whether i'll die or whether i'll survive. or perhaps inform me when's my death date. haiz. is that the way a boss should behave? she's a nice boss. but if want to kill me also must let me know the reason and date la. like that hang me in the air. for what? it serves no purpose at all lor. it'll only kill my motivation and morale to strive better at work.

what i heard from HR. next friday we're (my 2 bosses, HR and myself) going to discuss about my work performance. then by end April 07 will be my judgement day. whether i'll make it or not will be decided by then. if i can't make it. it's either they'll serve me a month's notice or they'll get me to serve them a month's notice.

i hate this. after all the effort i've put in. this is what i get in the end. pay me peanuts yet they want a super goody good person on the job. come on lor. where to find a perfect employee? i'm sure everyone have their own flaws. no one is perfect lor. dammit. i hate myself for not being able to pull myself out from there in the past. now have to wait for judgement day. what kind of motivation they want to drive in their employee? no monetary rewards nor is there any job satisfaction at all. nothing but only judgements of their own.

how to make an employee stay in the company for long? either give them monetary rewards or most importantly. give them the job satisfaction they're looking for. give them the kind of appreciation they want in the job that monetary rewards cannot buy.

I Can't Take More Of These

why are all these things happening to me? am i supposed to die from sorrows?

my gal friend just died couple of days ago. i'm still trying to pull myself together after crying for days. yet today. a guy friend of mine can tell me if i want to see him it must be within this 3 weeks. after that. he'll be going to a far far away place and never be back. what is this? what is he trying to tell me? he won't tell me on the phone. but he sounded so indifferent from his usual style. there's no "life" in his voice. he didn't even laugh much when i cracked jokes. he sounded so moody and sad. he's with his parents now. reason being he won't have the chance in future so he's trying to spend more time with them while he still can.

oh god. please don't take all my friends away from me ok? they're all so young. too young to leave this world to another world.

oh god. what have i done wrong that you're slowly taking my friends away from me? i can't take another death please. please don't do this to me. they all have a very bright future ahead of them. please.

Why?

i don't understand at all.

why did it have to end this way? why did you have to choose this path?

you always tell me to forget all the unhappiness. you always remind me that i have so many good friends around me. you always tell me to look on the bright side and think only about the happy times that i had shared with my friends. so that this way. i'll be happier.

i don't believe you at all. because you did not practice what you preached.

you chose to give up your family and friends. and most importantly. you gave up your life.

i missed you babe. missed the caring moments that you had showered on me. missed the lovely and happy moments that we had shared.

why didn't you give me a chance to love you more? why didn't you give me a chance to show more concern to you?

why didn't you tell me you were moody that night when we were sms-ing each other? why didn't i date you out that night? if only i had dated you out that night. would it have prevented this thing from happening?

you'll always have a place in my heart. you'll always have a part in my memories.

Daily Thots

why do i have to know this guy in my life.. now that he is already history in my life.. then why am i still so affected by his words and actions?? i hate myself.. hate my own weakness in handling situations.. i hate myself for not being able to control my own tears.. actually.. in fact.. i hate him more than anything in this world already.. shit him.. ask him go fark spider better..

life is full of surprises.. you may meet the right person and you may not meet the right person.. sometimes fate just wants to make a fool out of you.. it lets you fall head over heels over this person and then the next moment.. you're so damn pissed off with this person that you hate him to the core... wish he would just rot and die away.. hahahaha..

crazy people live crazy lives.. but crazy people live happier worries free lives..

bless the people out there with the best lives they can ever wish for..

Daily Thots

Wow! Guess what again. This morning while I was on my way to work, I met him on the road. Saw this Silverline cab, which of course is very normal to see on the road. But this particular cab just makes me want to look at the driver inside. When I looked in, I saw him. He did not see me, because when I passed by him I turned my head away. Haiz... Don’t know if he can feel my presence near him or not? Just when I thought of him yesterday, then today morning happen to see him. Is this all fated?

Fate always makes a fool out of us. People that we don’t wish to see nor wish to hear about their news, they’ll eventually appear right in front of us or the news will travel to our ears. No matter how hard we try to escape away from reality, it’ll never succeed. The only thing is to face reality, so that our lives will be much easier.

Do I miss him? I don’t know. Maybe its not because I missed him. Maybe its because I can’t let go of the time I had spent with him and the memories that we had shared together. But since I chose this path, I got to face it. I’m definitely living a happy life at the moment, but I also don’t wish to forget the memories I had with him. If I choose to forget all of it, doesn’t it mean that I’ve wasted my 10 over years spent with him. Life is never a regret. Now is just a transition period in my life. Life has many stages, he is just one of the person who plays an important part in one of the stages in my life.

My greatest gift from him? Andrea and Adrienne, that’s the best he had ever given me in my life and I’ll definitely cherish and love them with my life.

Thots In The Ofc

I thought I’m already over and done with all those feelings. Suddenly, all the hatred and hurt came back all together. Lucky thing is that this time round, the negativity only stayed for awhile. I guess pretty soon, I’ll be over and done with all those sad emotions.

Guess what. Things I’ve loved and enjoyed since young were all not being carried out together with my kids and him. Now, it’s all being carried out together with the kids. The only thing is that the lady in the picture is not me, it’s “her”.

I loved flying kites since I was a kid. I always enjoyed watching my brothers fly their kites so high up in the sky. Or if not, it’ll be them trying to cut off people’s kites with their so-called ‘string with glass’. As I grew older, I went flying kites with my friends, and perhaps only once with the man I loved so deeply. Then never again did he try to bring me go fly kites again. It’s either he’s really busy or we’ll just stay at home to watch television, because he don’t really like the sun. Now, things are so much different. He goes flying kites with the kids and together with “her”. At this point of time, all I can think of is that I’m really not a capable wife. Not capable of making him do with me the things I loved and enjoyed. I can’t make him take leave for me to bring me and his family for a few nights stay at the chalet nor can I persuade him to go ‘Wild Wild Wet’ with me and the kids. Sometimes I really wonder. Is it that the flame between us had long died off? The years that we’ve both spent together for so long, is it just because of the commitments we both shared?

I loved rollerblading. If one day I should hear him go rollerblading with her, I think my heart would break and really cry out loud. Because there was never once I can get him to go with me, even when I made the effort to buy another pair of rollerblades so that he can wear one pair to go rollerblading with me. I see families at East Coast Park who does exercises together, how much I envy them do you know? I thought eventually there could be a day when I can go rollerblading with him and the kids, that would be such great fun man. But that is never ever going to happen. Never.

My heart is aching now and my tears are about to flow out. But I won’t cry. No, I won’t cry for him again.

What is eternal love? My love for him has died, which I do hope so. I want to hate him, but it’s all so tiring. The more hatred you have for the person, the more you can’t forget the person.

Someone once told me that he is living a better life and happier life without me. Guess it’s really his luck or happiness that we aren’t together anymore. Was he really so unhappy or so poor thing when he was with me?

What is most important to me now? My kids, my career, my friends, my health and my happiness. What else matters? Nah, I can’t think of anything else at the moment.

I can’t work now. My mind is not working. My heart is not working as well. Shit man.

Daily Thots

In life, it’s always so difficult to please everyone around you. When there’s an argument between two persons, it’s always either your fault or the other party’s fault. There’s no such thing as it’s always the same person’s fault. If that's the case, then there must be really something very wrong with this person. Remedy: Either you try to change the person and talk nicely to the person or you just forget about being friends with this person. Don’t expect the person to always come apologising to you. Eventually, things will turn ugly and the relationship will turn sour. Even very good friends can also become “Hi - Bye” friends overnight if arguments like that are not resolved in the proper way.

How should friends treat each other? Everyone is a human being living on earth. Treat your friends as they are as human like you. Never treat them like a piece of shit because they are not shit. Cherish others the way you want others to cherish you.

What’s life? Everyone will ask themselves at times. But who will really know what's the correct answer? No one will know the correct answer because in fact, there is no right or wrong answers. Everyone have their own perceptions in life and their own beliefs. But as long as your conscience is clear, everything you do in your life is meaningful and beautiful in their own ways.

The path you walk in life is always full of twists and turns. Just be decisive and choose the right direction you want to go and never regret the choice you made. Never live your life with regrets. Even if you had made a wrong choice, learn from your mistake and make the remedies fast.

Life is a box of chocolates? Life is a bed of roses? Life is a ride on the rollercoaster?

You decide what is best for you. Live a life of your own and not live a life as planned by others. Everyone has only a chance to live their own life. Live it the way you want it to be.

Just remember this in your heart. Do unto others the way you want others to do unto you. Don't do unto others the way you don't want others to do unto you.

Daily Tots

i juz love my new notebook.. Packard Bell (dunno wad blah blah blah specs)..

life's been kinda "down" for me recently.. seen d doc twice liao (since last mth).. den on my 2nd trip.. doc asked me alot of qns.. he suspects i might be under mild depression rather than stress.. i din wana ans so many qns of his cos i'm nt very familiar wif him thou.. rather kip my secrets within my own shell (kekeke)..den he gave me the symptoms of depression (which sm hit me rite on d spot).. den gave me advice on hw he can help me if its wrk related.. haiz.. no nid la.. den i asked for sm relaxant to help me slp @ nite (i'm havin slp disorder again).. den he told me he dun hab slpin pills.. i told him 'No.. i was on tis relaxant med for smtime alrdy'.. den i describe d med to him & he brought out d med show me.. i told him 'Yah.. tis is the one'.. he told me he cant prescribe tt gimme cos tt med take more wil get addictive & iz more prescribed for ppl wif depression.. dammit.. hab depression hab depression lor.. aiyah.. wadever la.. den he told me best is i dun bottom up my feelins.. say it out.. if its wrk related.. tell boss.. if its relationship wise.. settle it fast.. remedy is dun lose interest in the things i enjoyed doing.. worst senerio is.. i'm starting to lose interest in rollerblading/clubbin/gg to d gym.. haiz.. life is tough.. real tough man.. but i tot of tellin d doc.. u say do tis & tt so ez.. but for us is nt so ez lor.. say faster settle den can faster settle meh?? siao..

din brin d kids bck tis wkend.. wana sort out my tots & relax abit cos i brought my ofc wrk hme.. nid to rush finish d things over d wkend oso.. haiz.. wrk is always so unfinished..

ytd on leave.. but ofc ppl even HR & other centre colleagues oso find me.. ask me do tis & tt.. dammit.. i cant leave my wrk man.. stressed..

went to Lim Chu Kang wif Vicky ytd.. she was thr to "stabilise" her goddess body.. i was thr to learn hw to be her "sidekick".. hmmm.. whole thing drag until comin to 1am.. damn tired & hungry man.. reached hme abt 2plus den ate cup noodles.. chatted wif Annie until abt 4am.. hahahaha.. cant stand tt woman.. once she starts tokin.. a conversation wif her wont end so early.. haiz.. no choice wor.. cos no one to tok to her @ hme except me liao..

ok! today's gonna be a beta day den tmr.. miting Shenny & Phyllis tmr @ Bugis for dinner.. iz gossip time again.. hahahaha..

Daily Tots

Yoo Hoo~

I'm back again~ Ready for action!!!

Got my M1 Vodafone modem on 18th Jan 07. I'm ready to start my blogging again. Till we meet again my dear readers. (kekekeke)

Take Care~

Daily Tots

Grandma passed away on Friday (21/7) night, diagnosed as lung infection & heart failure. I was there at the hospital till 8pm. Then I went out to cool myself down as its really a torture to see her have such difficulty in breathing. Then I went back inside her ward to check on her again, left the hospital at about 815pm. When I was about to reach home at about 9plus, received a call from Edmund saying that they received a call from Ah Meng korkor that the hospital had called to say grandma had passed away at 835pm. Don't understand why I felt so sad at that point of time, I cried.

When I reached the hospital, I thought I could control my tears again. But when I saw grandma's body & legs being tied up, I broke down in tears again. It was such a heart-breaking scene. Grandma's skin color had turned into so yellowish/white, but she looked so peaceful. I think this so be a good thing also as grandma had difficulty in breathing since Thursday. On Thursday, doctor said grandma can't live pass two days and had asked us to start making preparations for the necessary. On Friday itself, grandma's heart stopped once in the wee hours and another time in the early morning.

The days at the wake passed so quickly and came the funeral day. I hid one corner & cried when the band started playing their 1st song. Don't understand why I felt so sad and my heart felt so sour at that time. When we were at Mandai crementorium's hall, I felt very very sad. Then we went to the viewing hall to see grandma's corpse being pushed to "burn". I cried during the whole process. Haiz...

Life's so short. Even if grandma had lived 81 years, but in fact how long had she seen us and spent time with her kids & relatives? Just like my family, we only meet up during festive seasons (eg. CNY) or when something like that crops up. So sad ah, but that's the truth.

Daily Tots

Am I a dog? Do I look like one? Does anyone in the office look like one

No lor. The one who keeps barking his head off at others is the actual son of a bitch!

Dammit! What right does he have to shout at others? He keeps shouting at others and everyone keeps quiet but that doesn't mean I've to keep quiet too right? Of cos I shout back when I'm not supposed to be shouted at. Don't like it right? It's your farking business that you don't like me to shout back at you! Reason very simple. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FARKING RIGHTS TO SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT! GO SHOUT AT YOUR OWN KIDS OR WHOSOEVER IS RELATED TO YOU! I'M NOT YOUR WHOSOEVER SO YOU DON'T BLADY HELL COME SHOUT AT ME YOU FARKING OLD PIECE OF SHIT!

ARGH!!! Why does he like to channel all his negative feelings at others? Can't he keep his irritating words and actions all to himself? If he gets pressured by his boss, it's understandable that he'll get fustrated. By that doesn't give him any rights to shout at us. His boss also never shouts at him. Why can't he behave like a boss and like his boss? Why does he act like an irritating asshole? He can give us pressure back but not shout at us. We're humans and we work for the company. Not his dogs who work under him. Please get the facts right you farking old piece of shit! I'm so damn pissed off with you already. No way I can stand you. I know you've tolerated me for quite sometime already. But don't you realised that we've all tolerated you for a even longer time?

Wake up your blady mind you piece of shit! Get a life and get in line you blady old bastard!

Dammit! You really spoilt other people's day. You'll get your retribution for treating other people like that. You just wait and see what will happen to you.

Daily Tots

What's wrong with me?

Life is in a mess for me. Nothing is doing right for me. What the hell is going on?

Up till this point of time now. Isn't this what I've wanted? Isn't this what I wanted it to be?

I'll try to forget you as days goes by. I'll try to do that, if only I can. I want to forget you, so that I'll feel less pain without you in my life. But my heart doesn't allow me to forget you. Every now and then, I'll think of you. Think about the things we've done together. Think about the jokes we've laughed together. Think about the good and bad times we've spent together. Think about everything we've gone through together. Think about your smile and your love towards me.

Life's not going to be easy without you. Everything has to be started all over again. Many thoughts have to be kept deep down inside my heart and never to be said again.

Sorry that I've hurt you deeply. Nothing that I say will ever erase the pain I've inflicted in you. I'm really sorry for all the pain you're feeling now. I'm paying my price now too. But no worries. I'll live through all these pain that I'm going through now. Time will erase away all the pain that we're both feeling now. We're both survivors, we'll get through it eventually.

Life still has to go on. Life will have a fresh new page in your life without me. You'll get by it too. I just hope we'll stay in contact forever. Hope we'll be able to chat as happily as we used to be in future. Wishful thinking on my part? I'll have to accept reality.

You'll always be the dearest love I've always loved. I've no regrets in knowing you. No regrets in spending my time with you. No regrets in giving out all my love to you. You are always the best.

Daily Tots

This couple of mths so many dammit changes in my life. 1st thing is the World Cup 2006 has burnt a hole in my pocket. If minus away the few matches I lost, actually i'll have won some moni instead. I lost to where lehz? Australia, England, Brazil & Germany. AHHHHH!!!! I hate Brazil. Made me lost so much. My Ronaldhino & Kaka. What were the two of you doing? Why didn't the two of you save the whole blady situation? Haiz.......

2nd thing, my job scope changed. Now I have to cover AT's (the other secretary) work bcos her last day was ytd. She was transferred or I shld say she got promoted & moved to another centre under our group of properties. Dammit!! Now I'm paid 1 salary but doing 3 person's job. I used to be paid 1 salary to do 2 person's job. Now 3! Fark it man!! Then no one bothers to give proper instructions as in where I shld be seated. At AT's place or my own place? They assume I'll do all the necessary adjustments myself. How am I to serve her boss if I'm at my own seat? Do you know how farking far my dept is away fm her rom? Althou iz in the same office, but there's a distance & pls for heaven's sake!! I've loads of files/diskettes/working equip to carry over to her room if I shld be seated there leh. Then what? Who will inform my boss that I've to be seated where and when AT's boss comes down, my priority is her boss not him. Alot of things have to be decided and proper instructions have to be given to make sure daily tasks are not affected at all. Hey come on la!! I AM NOT GOD!! Farking cbz.. I really hate my job. Hate my job to the core.

Let's see how long more I can take it before my "white envelope" appears. Don't expect me to do everything when sometimes some other work can be delegated out. For example, the daily lunchtime receptionist duties that I've to do. Can't they get their own receptionist to cover the office's receptionist work when the latter goes for her lunch? Fark it man. Everything exepects me to do it. CCB!! I hate them. Maybe HL is right. There's no friends in the office. Everyone is only your colleague.

Aiyah.. I was thinking. Maybe iz time I start investing in 4D & ToTo. Like that when I strike it rich then I can throw the "white envelope" at their face liao. HAHAHAHAHA...

But right now I can't do anything stupid. I can't leave the job cos I still need to save up for my kids future. Everything needs moni. Hmm.. Maybe they saw this thing in me so they know I sure won't call it quits. That's why they throw everything let me do cos they know I've my committments to meet and I just can't let go of this job. Fark them!!

Iz ok. I've my own back-up plans. Once I succeed in my own back-up plans. I'll ask them to go and eat their own shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!